The annoying neighbor

We have recently welcomed a new neighbor with children just Andrew and Lily's ages and genders (G and A). It is fabulous. Playdates are spontaneous and often short. The children get along. They are respectful and kind and the kids have genuine fun. Dare I say a dream come true?

But there is another girl, H. She is homeschooled and 10 years old. She is wanting to play with our 4 year olds every day. In fact, I think she must go to my neighbor's house every day, because now when I call to see if A. wants to play, H. is always there or always comes over with her.

I feel bad for H. She is obviously a very social girl, and I don't know why she is being homeschooled, but it is hard on her. She was in the public schools until January or February, and she was always so friendly and social as she got on and off the bus. I can tell that being home is difficult. She apparently only gets schooled in the mornings, because she is wandering the neighborhood starting just after lunch.

The thing is? I don't really want H. playing with Lily and A. all the time. When they are alone, Lily and A. play very very well. They take turns being bossy and controlling. They are thoughtful of each other in a way I didn't know 4 year olds could be. But H. clearly favors A., since they play more and I think because A. is a lot more sophisticated than Lily (in the music she likes, her knowledge of pop culture, etc). So when H. is involved...they basically ignore Lily. Which is really irritating when they come to play at our house. A. and H. traipse through our house playing with our toys and literally don't even respond to Lily. Lily is so desperate for playmates, she just kind of pathetically follows them.

It is beyond irritating. And H. just doesn't get the hint. I've asked her to go home...she comes back 30 minutes later. She is persistant and has the attention span of a fly and gets into stuff that the little girls wouldn't. Like using my big extra supply of bubbles as "tea" while playing outside instead of water or nothing.

Yet? She's not actually doing anything wrong. She's just being a kid who plays with much younger children. She is the ring leader naturally, since she is SIX YEARS OLDER than her playmates. And now that she is a permanant attachment to A., Lily's basic choice is to not have a neighborhood playmate or to be ignored and mistreated by an older girl.

So I don't know what to do. Logically I know that summer vacation is coming, so H.'s older friends will be home...perhaps she'll ditch the younger girls for more appropriate friendships. Logically I know I can just make playdates for Lily with little girls outside the neighborhood like I did before A. moved in. Logically I know that this is a learning experience for Lily...to learn how to navigate complicated girl relationships...to know when to stand up for yourself, when to be quiet and put up with things, and when to let friendships go.

But she's 4. And she doesn't know how to do this yet. And I'm really annoyed.