Personal philosophies

Michael- Take action first, ask questions later.

See Also: Touch first/taste first/open first/climb on first/ take apart first, then ask questions.

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Andrew- Ask lots and lots and lots of questions, and then maybe take action. If it will be okay with the adults present, of course.

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Lily- Take action first and never ask questions.

See also: Even when you are obviously in trouble, never back down, because you are always right.

Long days

Yesterday's sentimental posts about the children were brought to you by self-therapy. It's been a long couple of weeks, and sometimes you just need to sit down and remind yourself why you love them.

Not that I don't realize it every day. But with Jeff working later at nights and still leaving early in the mornings, he's seen the kids for exactly 30 minutes each day. And with a week that is horribly unbalanced socially I am pretty lonely by Wednesday night. (Thursday and Friday I have school for Lily, a class for Michael, and 2 different playgroups. Monday thru Wednesday are empty.) Which means it is all mommy, all the time. Every bath, every meal, every paltry little request. All mommy.

I am completely serious when I tell you that so far this week, I have had exactly zero meals with other adults. Jeff leaves before breakfast and hasn't been home for dinner. Tuesday and Wednesday, the only adult that I even spoke to...and this includes phone calls...was the check out clerk at the grocery and a handful of awkward hellos to new moms in the pre-school line. That's 48 hours, people. My mom is out of town, my friends have lives, Jeff is in training so is unable to answer phone calls...you know...I was just lonely.

It's not that things are so bad. It's just knowing that this is the new norm...and I don't like it. Nothing I won't adjust to, though. The kids are actually being really good. They have been playing in their own little world at night and fighting only a little.

Whatever. Cry me a big fat middle class tear, why don't you. Husband makes good money at a stable job, my kids are healthy and happy, etc.

I love Lillian Jeannette

-- Lily is a different child when you get her alone. She is simply never unpleasant. She relishes time spent together and frequently tells me, "It's just the GIRLS." She talks incessantly during these outings, about everything from what every dog's name should be to how she likes to visit the beach.

-- Lily is growing up. Physically and emotionally. She is starting to shock me with some of her maturity. We were out running an errand and I could NOT get over into the left lane to turn into the parking lot. I was getting really frustrated as I kept getting cut off. Lily quietly piped in, "You know what I'm going to get you for your birthday, Mom? A flying car. Then you could just fly over the other cars. And I'd make it green, because that's your favorite color." Just to have Lily notice what I was doing and come up with a solution? Growing up.

--She is amazingly observant about certain things. She can't find her own shoes if they are attached to her feet, but she will immediately notice if your outfit is different or you are wearing earrings. And she will follow that observation with a compliment. A sweet, heart-felt compliment. The other day I asked her how she got so cute. She shrugged and said, "I don't know, Mom. How did YOU get so cute?"

-- She wears her emotions on her sleeve...and she changes that shirt constantly. While this leads to much fiery anger, she has an amazing ability to calm herself down. She seems to understand emotions...which is very girly of her, don't you think. She is powerful and magnetic and a whirlwind to be around. Which can be very tiring, but also exhilarating. This girl giggles like no other. And she often will just be overcome with affection and press herself as close to me as possible. Out of the blue.

-- She is an animal person through and through. Michael can fall on the floor bleeding, and Lily won't even turn around to notice. But if the smoke alarm goes off in our house (which makes Shadow cower and shiver like a leaf), Lily is immediately by Shadow's side, crooning over and over, "It's okay, Shadow. I'm here. I'll take care of you." She is kind and considerate of animals everywhere, never crowding them or disturbing them.

-- Lily would like to live in her very own pretend world...as long as someone else is narrating it. She loves to hear made up songs, made up stories, and play with made up characters. I play some sort of pretend with her each afternoon while Michael sleeps, because it brings her so much joy. But I am 33, and my tolerance for playing princess is short. So I set a timer. After it goes off, I offer to play something else with her that ISN'T pretend. She suggests ponies. I point out that we would still be playing pretend...how about UNO. She shakes her head and suggests neighbor. In Lily's mind, there is no such thing as play without pretending. To her credit, when you play pretend with her, she isn't bossy and demanding about "how" you play. She is simply happy as a clam to play along with you...no matter what crazy plot lines you throw in.

-- Lily is increasingly aware and frustrated by her own personal limitations. She is so stubborn that it is nearly impossible to guide her through these things. Like how to hold scissors so that she can cut well. Or how to skip. Okay, so mostly motor skills kinds of things.

-- I love the quiet times with Lily. When I hold her in my lap and talk with her. Or make her laugh with a silly song. Or in the moments when I get a brief glimpse of the amazing woman she could become.

I love Andrew John

-- He still has the most gentle, loving heart...way beyond his years. Last week, on Lily's first day of school, Andrew lept off the bus. The first thing he did was run and hold Lily's hand and ask how her first day was. Even on non-monumental days, he and Lily often walk hand and hand, deep in conversation from the bus stop home. Let's just pretend for a moment that it's not always about Pokemon, shall we? They cuddle each morning when they watch cartoons.

-- His huge heart has also enveloped that baby brother of his. He asked me to put Mikey in the swing last week so he could push him and make him laugh. When Andrew is running around with a ball, Mike wants to be involved. And sweet Andrew just can't say no. Countless meals have been turned into choking hazards as Andrew makes Michael giggle with just a widening of the eyes. He lets Michael tackle him, smack him, cuddle with him.

-- Lily and Michael just don't know how good they have it. From the overly-enthusiastic encouragement to the dumbing down of games to the sharing of precious candy and sweets...Andrew is the best big brother I've ever heard about.

-- With this power to do good comes the power to do...uh...not good. If Andrew is in a mood...the whole house suffers. Luckily for us, Andrew is most often agreeable and loving. He can also manipulate his sister and loves to hear her scream in torture. He is a much better loser than once he was...but he must point out how much better he is to his sister. Keep her in line.

-- The football obsession that has held strong since the age of 2 seems to be easing up a bit. I find myself at a loss. Football was always my go-to conversation starter and present buying guide for Andrew. He seems more obsessed with anything number/graph/list/statistics oriented. Future actuarian.

-- He is 50-something pounds and 4 foot 3 1/2 inches tall. But this bony, lanky, knobby-kneed boy is still a cuddle bug. I try to soak it up and enjoy it each time he reaches for another cuddle...but seriously? Put some fat on that bony butt...it hurts! Our new favorite activity is to curl up with a book at night...and he reads. I just cherish each moment with my arm tucked around him, occasionally giving him soft kisses on his temple. He never wipes them away...just tolerates his sentimental old mother. How much longer until I never get to touch him?

-- He can make me laugh a million different ways. With his new/bad jokes that he invents. With his little comments about life. With the camaraderie he gives me when the littles are tantruming (he rolls his eyes with me). When he finds something that makes me truly laugh out-loud, he repeats it ad-nauseum...not realizing that it is the surprise that makes something funny...

-- Andrew is magnificent. He is kind, smart, funny...but he is the most compliment-hungry of my kids. He relishes each stroke of his ego, each time I point out his good works, whenever I praise anything he does or is. I must remember this trait as he gets older because it is easy to take for granted how wonderful he is. I definitely take him for granted. But I try not to.

I love Michael Paul

-- He likes to play pretend more and more. Last night I was playing with the dollhouse with him to keep him away from Lily and Andrew's Pokemon game. I of course had to be the mommy doll. He was distressed that the bathtub was broken and there was no water. Then he spied a Barbie doll across the room. He ran over and said, "Giant mom!" and handed her to me to include in the play. And was distressed when Barbie wouldn't fit in the tiny dollhouse bathtub.

--The stink bugs are back. All over our screens in the hot afternoon sun. One of Mike's favorite past times is flicking them off the screen. He yells, "Oh no! Eeew! Sink bug!" and then rushes to flick it. On Sunday he decided to try something new. I caught him aiming the laser from Buzz Lightyear doll's arm at the stink bugs. Making shooting noises and trying to kill them with his laser beam.

-- I have given him Andrew's old pre-school rolling backpack to take into Lily's pre-school 3 times a week. Tuesday was the first day...and he was giddy with delight at having his very own "pack". And it has Lightning McQueen on it. Score! It was a little sad when he rushed back to the classroom and hung his pack on the hooks with the other pre-schoolers. To his credit, he didn't cry when I made him leave. One more year, Mikey.

-- We went grocery shopping Tuesday...just the two of us. Seriously, could grocery shopping be any easier than with only one child in tow. Well, of course ZERO children would be easier. Whatev'. Mikey was giggling so hard in the fridge aisle...we were kissing and poking and maybe there was a little tickling going on as I picked out our yogurts and cheeses. He's just fun...and he got quite the attention of the other shoppers...all grandmotherly types.

-- He is wired differently than my other kids. He is such a problem solver. Can't reach something? Get the stool. Hungry? Don't bother asking, just go in the fridge/pantry and help yourself. Sister won't share? Don't cry about it, just punch her as hard as you can to teach her a lesson.

-- He has some serious "Mom-dar". The second I leave the room, he's all, "Where ma go?" And it is totally embarrassing how totally incapable of leaving me he is. But I try and cherish all those long hugs and big kisses. Even if he totally wipes them off as he grins with eyes full of mischief.

-- He is not able to calm himself down. Mike is so often even tempered, that when he falls apart, he has no coping skills. The problem is, we just don't have that many opportunities to practice taking deep breathes and separating himself from the issue at hand. Which is usually that I won't let him knock everything off the counter. Or have 7 yogurts from the fridge. Or fruit snacks. Or chips. 9 times out of 10 it is food related.

-- He is full of empathy. He worries when some is crying and rushes to pat them or hug them. When I sneeze, he calls from the other room, "O-tay, ma? O-tay?" He is dramatic about his empathy, putting his hands on his cheeks and saying, "Oh no!"

-- He is funny...and he knows it. He makes his dolls burp and say "Q-kee" (excuse me). Then he takes a tissue and wipes their bottoms (?), all the while smiling mischievously. He was wearing a onesie to bed last night, and I asked him where his belly button was. He tried to lift up his shirt and couldn't. He said dramatically, "Oh no! Can't find it!" Then looked down the neck and said, "Oh! Der it is!"

I love him.

Quickies

Don't worry about the title...this is a Mom blog after all, right?

** Lily stayed in her room for about 90 minutes in the morning on Friday. Then I was a real...um...female dog, if you will...reminding her each time she complained about something that, "Well, I don't feel bad because YOU SHOULD BE HAVING FUN AT SCHOOL RIGHT NOW." When Michael went down for his nap, I made Lily spend another 90 minutes in her room to complete the 3 hours of school time that she missed. She was an angel. Didn't fall asleep, but didn't come out and complain once. She even commented at the end of it, "Mommy? Next time I'll go to school." We'll see. I like Carrie's suggestion of just bringing her to school in her pjs.

** Thursday I took Michael to his first Mommy and me type class. It is called Creative Parenting, and in the 4 years since we moved here I've heard nothing but good things. It is for ages 18 months-3 years...so there hasn't really been a time that I could take the other two kids. It was amazing. Michael had so much fun. You start with an art project...and Michael was shaking glitter like a maniac, squinching up tissue paper and gluing it to his bag, and staying quite focused. Then we went upstairs for free play. He obviously did fine. Then he helped clean the area up without a peep. Next came circle time. Much to my amazement, he sat in my lap and didn't squirm or fidget. At snack time, he sat excitedly on his mat and kept saying, "Me? Snack?" He listened to the story without running around. I saw a whole new side to my little boy. Fantastic.

Unfortunately, I kind of felt like crying each time he giggled as we did a song together or when he smiled proudly with me as we finished part of the art project. Because I never did anything like this with Lily. And while she is fine, obviously, and doesn't know what she missed out on...I'm sad for me that I missed out on this with her. I think that I'm really not over this whole 18 month spacing thing yet.

** Jeff still hasn't heard about the job yet. Now they are being downright rude. Jeff called the hiring manager on September 8th and left a detailed message on his voice mail. And he still hasn't called Jeff back. At least give him some closure. Don't they have to at least send a letter in the mail? They can't just ignore you forever, can they? Jeff refuses to look for anything else until this door is closed. Ugh.

** Jeff has two more business trips scheduled. One to Brazil the day after we get back from Texas for Uncle Chad's wedding. And another one week after that to Mexico for the week. Ugh. That's all I have to say. Ugh.

** We went back to church yesterday after a long summer absence. Michael was a complete and utter FREAK in the nursery. I suggested leaving and his response was clinging and SCREAMING for 15 minutes. Then 30 minutes after he finally calmed down, I left to get a tissue and he freaked out again. This boy has serious Mommy issues.

** I need to find a babysitter. Jeff and I have been really behind the times...we just go out when parents are visiting or we ask another parent to come over. But with Jeff traveling more and more, there are instances where I may need to go out or take Andrew somewhere, etc. So I ask again, fair readers...how do I find a babysitter?

Okay, enough boring fare. I've got to get the kids ready. Dentist appointment before school today! Yipes!

Learning consequences

Lily started school this week. She loves it. Each day she has given me detailed and excited stories of what school is like. She is still fighting a big of a head cold, but nothing too serious. She certainly isn't sleeping longer because of it.

This morning is her 3rd day of school this week. She didn't want to go. She fought me on getting dressed, eating breakfast, etc. Just digging in her heels. I sat her down and explained my rule about missing school. If you miss school, that means you are sick. Which means that you must stay in your room and rest for the entire school time. So did she want to stay in her room until lunchtime, or would she like to go to school and have art and see her teachers from last year, since she has Jump for Joy today (a little PE program at her pre-school)?

She chose her room. Big surprise.

At 8:45, I opened her door and asked her if I could get her dressed and ready. I brought up her weekly calendar and showed her all the fun things she was going to do today. I reminded her of the fun things she'd done yesterday. She screamed at me and told to to go.

At 9:00, I opened her door and told her this was her last chance. Didn't she want to go to school? Wasn't it boring in her room?

She shook her head firmly and said, "I don't feel like going to school today."

At 9:15, she came downstairs and said, "I'm ready to go to school!"

But it is too late. School has already started. I have already called in to tell them she isn't coming. I've cancelled my playgroups planned for today. I am pissed. She must go back to her room because this is the choice she made.

So she is upstairs in her room, crying. This is how we learn that when it is time to go to school, we go. This is how we learn that school is in fact the preferable option. This is how we learn that Mommy means business. This is how we learn that choices come with consequences.

So she is upstairs crying.

But since she is a little bit legitimately sick, I won't make her stay up there until lunch. Just long enough to make it miserable and memorable. An hour. Because I don't have a heart of ice. And I understand that she's only in pre-school and only 3.

-sigh-

Another first day

Despite still recovering from the cold that has swept through our house...Lily went to her first day of pre-school yesterday (not counting the year of 90 minute "school" last year). She was so excited to finally get to go to school like her brother.

Now how to explain that she doesn't get to take the bus or go every day.

And how to explain to Mikey that he still has to wait a year.

The *surprise* anniversary party

So, yah, I kind of didn't mention that we were headed to Ohio for Labor Day weekend to celebrate my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary. (one of the main reasons I went ape-shit crazy when Jeff told me he thought he'd take a longer business trip last week...) I couldn't say anything because, you know, my MIL reads this...and she wasn't supposed to know. My SIL kind of took care of things and our big responsibility was to show up. So on Friday, I drove to Ohio with the 2 littles...by myself, like a big girl. And Jeff and Andrew flew in after school was over.

There were many many surprises throughout the weekend.

The 40th Wedding Anniversary Surprise

Setting:
Smallish town, Ohio; where my in-laws have lived for almost 40 years, where Jeff and siblings grew up, where everyone is connected like some kind of 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon game.

Cast of Characters:
Linda- Mother-in-law extraordinaire. She had taken the day off Friday to recover from a late night out partying. (her version would say she was out late at the Buckeye Game the night before...for her version, read her blog. Oh, wait...she doesn't have one. Guess you'll have to believe my version)

Paul- Father-in-law extraordinaire. He had to work on Friday, even though he was also out partying late the night before. He was no doubt looking forward to a quiet holiday weekend to work out in the yard, sleep in late, read the paper cover to cover, and watch whatever he wanted on tv.

Sara- Jeff's sister and baby of the family. Although she lives in Austin with her husband (who couldn't be there, since he was busy in Chicago becoming the national champ in Gaelic football), Sara managed to pull this whole thing off. With some help from the extended family of women who live locally. Okay, probably with a lot of help. I hope. Or else Sara is some kind of super woman.

Chad- Jeff's brother, who also lives in Texas. Chad was already planning on being in Ohio 2 weekends in September and is busy getting ready for his wedding in October. But he managed to finagle this weekend into a business trip. Genius. Although his sweet fiance Monica couldn't come because she is also coming 2 times this month...and couldn't manage to make this one. Bummer.


Surprise #1:
Friday afternoon, Linda was nursing a hangover from the night before. Okay, not really. But she was peacefully puttering around the house on her day off. At about 3:30pm, the doorbell rang. Odd. There stood her baby daughter from Texas with a suitcase. Linda immediately thought she has left her husband and come running home. Then Sara brought in groceries. Linda got suspicious. After grilling Sara and even using her middle name multiple times, the super sleuth figured out that Jeff and family are also coming...all from seeing a box of Cheerios in the groceries.

Surprise #2:
Linda was not so surprised when Lily, Michael, and I pulled into the driveway around 4:30, due the Cheerios reveal. I was excited, because she greeted me and told me that her house was such a mess because she wasn't expecting company. I was excited because she always sees my house a mess...but I was disappointed. By "mess" she meant there was a pillow on the ground. Or perhaps it was the fact that the beds were made, but the sheets weren't fresh. Apparently my version of "mess" is at a different level than most. ;) After Lily and Michael started in on REALLY making the house a mess, I parked my car down the street and we hid on the porch because Paul was due home at any time. We were supposed to figure out a way to surprise him, but instead we got to talking...and he just kind of found us out on the porch. Surprise! Later he had to put the crib together and then drive all the way to the airport to get Jeff and Andrew. Nothing says, "Happy Anniversary" quite like showing up and making demands.

Surprise #3:
Linda kept saying how perfect it would be if only Chad could have come. But of course she understood that he couldn't because he was already coming so many times this month. Saturday we pushed Linda and Paul to a wedding they had RSVP'd for so that Sara could go to the airport and get Chad. He was sitting on the floor playing Polly Pockets with Lily when they arrived back home from the wedding. After a massive double-take, they realized that all their baby birds had come back to the nest for the weekend. And that's what they thought the big surprise was.

Surprise #4:
The next day we went to church. Nothing is more satisfying for people from smallish towns than parading far away family in front of their church congregation. As we settled in for the service to start, Linda read the program/missile/daily schedule/still not sure what it is called even though I've been going to a Methodist Church for over a year. Right there was an invitation to come to an open house for Linda and Paul's 40th anniversary. After church, we went to a nice banquet room, where there was a slide show of pictures from their life together, their wedding book and original invitation, a sign in book, lots of juice and cookies and snacks, and lots and lots of people coming and going.



We ruined their quiet weekend, but through the planning and work of the people who love them, I hope that they felt the love and appreciation we all have for their union. As we sat around laughing and telling stories and arguing politics and yelping as we tried to put those mother-effing Polly Pocket outfits on...I kept thinking of that little phrase..."All because two people fell in love..."

The first few days

Not to leave you hanging...we haven't locked ourselves out again...I'm just not at the computer as much.

Andrew has had 2 wonderful days at school. Except for the heat. His school has no air-conditioning, so he comes home with sweat plastered to his head and begs for glass after glass of ice cold water. This is the boy who doesn't drink much. Poor kid. True to form, Andrew doesn't seem to be making any friends in his class. Last year, it took him a month to learn anybody's name because he was concentrating on the new routines and rules so much. This year I'm not worrying about it...Andrew's gotta do what Andrew's gotta do.

Oh, and I think I may be in love with Andrew's teacher. Yesterday he brought in a giant paper bag filled with 8 personal items to share with the class. You would not believe how difficult this was for him...he put his 2 favorite stuffed animals in and then was stumped. I incredulously suggested something football related...how could he not think of that? Or maybe a computer game? Or Pokemon? Anyway, we got it all together and he took it in. He got off the bus yesterday afternoon with puffy red eyes. Apparently he left the paper bag behind when the class left to get in the bus lines in the cafeteria. Mrs. C wouldn't let him run back to the classroom to retrieve his bag. Andrew just sobbed in line. So Mrs. C ran back to the classroom and got it for him (in the 90 degree heat...and she must be in her late 50s/early 60s). Andrew told me, "I've learned not to bring any valuables to school"...he was so upset because his kangaroo was in the bag. And more likely because he was exhausted at the end of the day.

I sent an e-mail to Mrs. C to thank her for running to get it and to promise that we wouldn't send the family valuables to school again. She wrote right back and said, "It did give me some extra exercise for the day! Your Andrew is just the sweetest little boy; a real asset to our class. I couldn't watch him sob waiting for the bus; it broke my heart."

So I think I love her.

On the home front, I am floundering a bit as to what to do all day with the littles. The morning is fine...we have gone on errands and played outside a lot. But the errands are so much harder without Andrew...Lily and Michael fighting is very different than Lily and Andrew fighting. Michael just isn't rational. And then the afternoons...oh Lord help me. I was so spoiled this summer with Andrew and Lily playing while Michael napped. Yesterday during Michael's nap, Lily and I:

-made glue and bean pictures
-did a princess puzzle
-played a animal habitat puzzle game
-read Highlights magazine
-played neighbor
-played Uno
-watched a video
-sat around and looked at our navels

Seriously. So boring. I know she will get used to playing by herself eventually, but GOD. Until then we are adjusting.

When Andrew comes home, she pounces on him. And so far (the last 2 days), they are inseparable. The first day they sat on the couch hip to hip and read books together for an hour. Yesterday they went up and played Pokemon on my bed for about an hour. I didn't cry while he was at school, but seeing them reunited made me tear up. My babies...friends...

So that's that. Lily doesn't start school for a few weeks, but I know that will make our routine better...it will wear her out 3 days a week so our afternoons are quieter. ;)