Race-eve

Any scrap of confidence I had before that I could actually run this 5K was destroyed when I got my period Thursday afternoon. I have never run on the first 2 (heaviest days of "the curse" because I am tired, weak, crampy...you know the deal. So I feel doomed and set up to fail anyway. But I must have had some delusions left...because it all came crashing down once we GOT to Baltimore. It immediately because clear that...

I don't belong here.

We walk towrad the convention center to pick up our bibs and shirt. Everyone around me is sinewy and scrappy and clearly a RUNNER. There's even a guy smoking who is clearly a runner...and will likely kick the marathon's ass tomorrow. I see only one other lady who is slightly pudgy like me.

I don't belong here.

Everyone we meet seems to assume that my thin, healthy husband is the reason we are here...and I am his spectator. When we stand at the check-in desk together, the concierge asks if we are here for the race. When we say yes, he hands Jeff a complimentary bag with a bottle of water, banana, powerbar, etc., and wishes him luck. When I ask to have one, he says, "Oh? You want one too?" And I squeak out that I'm racing tomorrow too. I don't think he believed me. Later, our waiter also assumes I am just here to lend support.

I don't belong here.

The little paper/write up about the race weekend that came in our registration bag of loot describes the 5K event as, "A great way to participate in the Baltimore Running Festival without all the training." I know the 5K is a joke to real runners. I know it is a lame-ass event. But I have worked my ass off for 6 months...and I'm STILL not confident I'll finish. Yet apparently, you should be able to just walk in and run 3 miles...that's how easy a 5K is.

I don't belong here. I belong on the side-lines. I belong in the cheering section for Jeff, who deserves to be here and will kick its ass. I should be trudging along on sidewalks alone in the dark hours of the morning and away from real runners. I should be walking for my healthy and not sullying up these types of events. I am a band geek at a frat party. A Democrat at a GOP rally. The horse in a zebra herd.

I don't belong here.