I'll be a good mother when...

...I'm not moving.
...I don't have a newborn.
...I'm not throwing up with "morning" sickness.
...I'm not hurting my back with every bend and squat.
...I'm not so tired.
...After lunch.
...After I get some alone time.

And on and on and on. There always seems to be something holding me back from being a good mother. I always have some excuse. And when that excuse expires, there always seems to be something else waiting in the wings. I think I was a good mother from June 2005-January 2006. I planned crafts and activities to do with Andrew everyday so we could enjoy each other rather than just look at each other. I had a cleaning schedule that I actually stuck to, so I knew my floors would get mopped and the rooms picked up. I took Andrew to fun places so neither of us would get burned out. I exercised somewhat regularly.

I don't know when, if ever, I'll get back to that "good mother" place. And you could substitute the word "wife" in all those places just as easily. I'm falling behind. I'm falling into a sad place. I'm not being sufficient for my children or my husband...I'm not enjoying them as much as I could. We're all watching too much tv. Not getting the most out of life. And I can blame it on pregnancy. I really can. I just feel tired, blah blah...many of you have been pregnant, so you know. But I understand that once this passes, then I'll have a newborn. And I know what that means. And then after that... see how it goes?

-sigh- I have a feeling that I won't be a good mother again until my kids leave for college. Then I'll look back at these days and only remember the fun days...and not the weeks of drudgery in between those days.