6 months

Our computer is dead...again. But I have to post (on Jeff's work computer) because my baby is 6 months old.

Half a year.

And, just like the other children, I find myself thinking that I can't believe that it has already been 6 months and I can't believe it has only been 6 months. Feeling amazed that it has already been half a year at the same time I can't believe that I've only known this person for half a year. Doesn't make any sense, but there it is.

I don't want to beat a dead horse, but I am constantly amazed at my love for this child. It sounds horrible, and I know that I've pondered about it on here before, but, again, there it is. I look at him and kiss his sweet soft cheeks and smell his curly sparse hair and watch that face break into a big dimply grin and I am amazed at how I was ever scared of this. He gurgles and snuggles and blurps up on me after a big satisfying meal of breast milk and chews on my knuckles and I honestly can't imagine why I thought my life would be over when he was born. I watch Andrew tickle his tummy and talk in sweet baby tones and I watch Lily say, "so coot" and "Muck-le talkin' to me" and pat his head and delight in his big slobbery kisses and I can't understand how I ever thought I was ruining their lives by bringing another child into this family.

There are definitely hard moments. And I won't lie and say that I don't sometimes think how much easier it would be if... But there is no way no how that this baby, my Michael, doesn't belong here. Life is more wonderful than I ever imagined it could be. Our family feels more complete than I ever imagined it could be. Michael is more than I ever could have imagined him to be.

I love you Michael. Perhaps I feel the need to reiterate this again and again because I feel so guilty about all those posts from last year. Perhaps I just can't believe how lucky I am, that sometimes you get what you don't want only to find it is everything you needed.