First day drama

-enter sappy emotional post here-

Our morning was not what I expected.

Andrew was up and ready for school by 7:45. Bus doesn't come until 8:45.

Walk outside to take first day pictures. Head shot because he has so many loose teeth, I'm sure that the end of the year picture will look totally different.

Go to put the camera back inside. Locked out. Jeff locks the door from the house to the garage and I don't. When it is locked, you can open it from the inside and it locks behind you. I hate this, so I don't lock it. So since he got back late last night, he locked it. And no one unlocked it this morning.

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So I am outside with a dog, 3 kids, and no keys, no purse, car locked, windows locked, screen doors locked.

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All of the neighbors that I know work full time and are already gone for the day.

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So...I spent 20 minutes cursing under my breath while Andrew worried about us being stuck outside all day. I tried every window on the first floor...all locked. Except for the one over the kitchen sink, but I can't even open it from the inside, so from the outside was a joke. I'm contemplating which would be better...walking to a store (a few miles away) to ask to use a phone and have Jeff come home from downtown (an hour away) to let me in? Or breaking a window. Not good options.

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Then I remembered that the front door was unlocked, just the screen door was locked. So I found something sharp in the garage and cut the screen and voila! Into the house. A cut screen seemed better than my other options.

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Then we ran to the bus stop. And the bus was late so we didn't need to worry. And I was still so frazzled, it didn't even hit me until he was waving from the bus. My baby. Gone all day.

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-enter more sappy emotional stuff here-

Meeting Jane (bluedaisy)

Friendships in the blogging world are a little different than in person friendships...but no less real. There are things I know about my blogger friends that I have no idea about with my real life friends. I get to peek into their journal and read complete thoughts and sense their true and deep feelings about issues, while my real life friends are usually interrupted mid-thought when a child needs a diaper change/break up a fight/run to catch child before he falls to his death off the slide. I get insights into their frustrations and joys, strengths and weaknesses that I only get glimpses of in my real life friends, since most people pull it together and make good appearances for get togethers.

And yet, I don't know what my blogger friends sound like. Or if they twirl their hair around their fingers when they talk or how tall they are or if they hold a coffee cup by the handle or by gripping it with their whole hand or two hands. Mannerisms, habits, physical characteristics are all things I take for granted with my real life friends, but I have no inkling of with my blogger friends.

Of course, many blogs I read are actually people I knew in person before. Others are total strangers who I've for some reason felt a connection to and now consider my blogger friends.

Yesterday I had the good fortune to meet a blogger friend and make her a real life friend. ;)

Jane and her children came to visit me. And she is lovely. And her kids are too.

Things I learned about Jane:

1) She is taller than I expected. She looks so tiny in pictures, and she IS tiny...I swear her waist was about as big around as my upper arm. But she's tall too! She tried to impress me by going all goth by dying her hair the night before, but there was no need. She is so pretty and friendly and just...well...lovely.

2) Don't believe anything she says about her children in her blog. Actually, I don't think Jane complains about her children as much as some bloggers do -cough,cough-ME-cough,cough. Her Michael was so polite and friendly and pleasant and so so so cute. And Liam was crazy about Shadow from the moment he hopped out of the car, and he played so nice with everything and everyone. And Chloe. Oh! Is there anything better than a 9 month old? She gave a pout-pout face ONCE in 3 hours...the rest of the time was smiles and claps and just melt-your-heart cuteness. She even let me carry her around a little bit...ah...baby fix.

3) I felt no awkwardness at all. I kind of felt like she walked in my house as if she'd been here a million times and we just started talking as if we'd done this a million times before. I mean, she already knows I'm a horrible housekeeper, my kids are tv freaks, I don't decorate, I'm not a good hostess, etc etc. And she still opted to come over (sucker). So all the things I normally feel awkward about I could just kind of shrug off. I even hugged her hello and goodbye. I KNOW. I'm not even a hugger. But I felt like I was greeting a friend I haven't seen in a while, rather than someone I haven't actually met before.

4) She is just very kind. I mean, she let Andrew talk to her about the lunch menu for school in exhausting detail. And she didn't even fall asleep and drool...not even a little. And then after than scintillating lecture, he made her look at his disgusting loose tooth. Ew. She didn't even kick him away in disgust. Kind.

What a gift this little blogging world is!***

***Unless of course, Jane now thinks I am a desperate, crazy, stalker-lady. I should know by the end of the week. If she makes her blog invitation only. Or writes an entry about a woman she'll just call "Janelle" who served her water out of the tap and a strange wilty salad for lunch and whose dust bunnies tried to kidnap Chloe and make her part of their kingdom. Then I'll know.


I of course forgot to get out the doggone camera. Here's Michael (4), Andrew, and Liam (3). Oh...and Shadow. Because Liam wanted to make sure that Shadow was in the picture.

Andrew took this picture of Jane and I as she was loading her kids into the car to go back home. She looks a lot like my friend Pamela, I think. And she doesn't even look a little scared in this picture...so maybe she thought it went well too ;)


Andrew requested a silly shot. Nice.

Thanks again for coming over!

Meet the Teacher

Today we got to go meet Andrew's 1st grade teacher. Jeff was working at home, and since Michael was sleeping, I left him behind and only took Lily with me. Joy. :)

We had to park quite a ways away from the school, since it was Open House for all the students grades 1-6. At 4-5 classes per grade...that's a lot of students showing up at the same time. Andrew showed no trepidation, walking calmly in and saying hello to random people that he saw.

We walk in the front doors, and I realize that I have no idea where the 1st grade classrooms are. And there are no signs directing you. No worries, of course, as Andrew confidently led me back to the correct area.

And his teacher greeted us. And she is wonderful. I love her already. She is one of those people that you can tell at first glance has found her calling in life. She gets down and really talks to the kids and asks meaningful questions. She encouraged Andrew to find a desk that fit him, guiding him gently towards the one group of desks that was a bit taller than all the rest. Not exclaiming how tall he is, like every other adult in the world. He got busy getting his desk ready, filling out a name plate and putting his school supplies away. He walked around the room and fingered all the book shelves and charts and looked at their very own private bathroom. I asked if he was ready to go, and he said he wanted to ask the teacher a few things.

Here we go. So he talked to her for several minutes while I tried to keep Lily from screaming. I have no idea what he talked about, but the parents standing nearby were grinning pretty big. Oh, Lordy.

Then his buddy from t-ball walked in, and Andrew ran over and gave him a bear hug and then pretty much forced him to pick the desk right next to him and then gave him a tour of the classroom like he was a mentally retarded squirrel or something. Oh, Lordy.

Then I forced him to leave...he wanted to stay for the whole 45 minutes, but Lily was ready to go postal. As we are walking the halls to leave, Andrew saw all these kids from last year. He's yelling out to them, giving them hugs, high fiving them. Even the autistic boy...who looked rather uncomfortable as Andrew attempted to hug him. All the parents were exclaiming, "Oh! It's the famous Andrew. We've heard all about him. He's the smartest/nicest/tallest boy!" Like he's this celebrity from Kindergarten.

And he beamed. And asked if he could start school tomorrow.

And I'm not as sad for Monday, because I'm so excited for him. This is HIS place in the world. With his own friends and his own desk and his own reputation to build. And I'm so sad for myself, but I am also so so so proud to let this little guy loose. I can't wait for the world to love him as much as I do.

For my kids...

For my children who may read this one day, I feel the need to write what happened after my little tirade at breakfast yesterday. What happens after my temper tantrums is really why your parents' marriage seems to work.

Jeff left for work a little battered and bruised. He said nothing to defend himself or rile me up more. He kissed me on his way out the door.

I called him around 9 and apologized. Not for being upset or bothered by his increasing travel, but because it wasn't fair to pounce on him like that.

He came home after work and didn't get ready for his Tuesday night fencing. When I asked if he was going, he looked at me like I had 3 eyes on my face. "No way. After this morning? No fencing for me tonight."

And he helped put the kids to bed. And he gave me a foot rub. And we had a long talk about how things have been so different the last few months, and the stress, and the loneliness, and the travel.

And nothing can change yet, because that's where we are at. But I felt better. And he felt better (I hope).

And we move on to another day in our marriage.

Ten More on Tuesday

Ah...why not?



1) We have still not heard anything from "the job". Which means to us that they have offered it to someone else and are waiting for confirmation from them before they set Jeff loose. I am...extraordinarily relieved. And sad. But mostly relieved. This would have been a very good move in the long term. But in the short term it would have been utter and complete misery. Jeff is keeping a stiff upper lip, but I can tell from some side comments that it hurts his feelings to not get picked. Even though there are so many non-personal reasons for them to choose someone else...someone cheaper, someone they don't have to relocate, someone that already knows the products this company makes. So the search begins again...and heaven only knows where we'll end up a year from now.



2) My friend Carrie called me for my birthday. I have been reading her blog and commenting on Facebook, but I don't think I've actually talked to her for about 3 years. Did you know that she has a delightful southern drawl? By the end of the conversation, I kind of wished that I had a pleasant way of speaking. And it makes me wonder what some of these other bloggers sound like in person. You feel like you know a person from reading their thoughts every couple of days, but in fact you don't even know the basic tenor of their voice. Strange. Except that I SHOULD have known and remembered Carrie's voice, since I was basically her neighbor for 18 months. Whatever. We talked for an HOUR and made me remember how much I loved living in Louisville.



3) Jeff is leaving for Vegas on Friday morning EARLY and will not be back until LATE Sunday night. Which leaves me scrambling for what to do with the children other than tie them up in the basement and eat bon bons. As we were drifting off to sleep last night, he says, "Oh. Work is sending me to Chicago next Tuesday, and I thought I might stay longer to visit one of the nearby plants." I responded the way any logical wife would. I slept on it, giving him no indication that I was stewing all night long. And then I pounced this morning, with this very speech, "You know, I think you should go to your friend's wedding the first weekend of October, and the fencing tournament in Cincinnati too. Because you obviously don't think you are needed around here, and since work is already planning on sending you to Mexico and then Brazil, that's 2 more weeks you'll be gone in the next several months. Maybe I should just move back to Ohio and you visit us when we fit into your busy social/work schedule." And then I broke into tears muttering how I didn't like being a single parent and stuck at home all the time with my support system 600 miles away, etc etc. And he sat there with his cereal spoon frozen halfway to his mouth looking at me like the crazy person I am. Good communication is the key to a happy marriage.



4) I am so excited for Andrew to start school. This year he gets to eat lunch with his friends, have art and PE, and all this other fun stuff. His teacher sent out a test e-mail yesterday to see if they worked, and I counted 20 students total. Only 8 boys. And then I went to the school website, and his teacher's page is already filled with information about the first few weeks of school, a letter for the parents and a letter for the students. As I read the letter to the students with Andrew, I seriously choked up. "We're going to do a lot of fun things this year, but don't worry. I'm here to help you whenever you need it." And I'm crying. What is wrong with me? I kicked his little bootie onto the Kindergarten bus without a sniffle. I sent him to pre-school with no issues. But this all day school thing is tripping me up BIG TIME. And then next year all the kids will have school, and then a few years after that? I'll need a new excuse to have a sticky kitchen floor and dusty window sills. -sigh- All part of that scheduled mid-life crisis, I suppose.



5) I got an e-mail from a friend of mine who sends her kids to the local Catholic school. She was just letting me know that their school librarian quit, and they need a new one PRONTO. I mentioned it to Jeff and he thought I should just go for it, and we pay for the kids to go to daycare for a few years so I can get my foot in the door. To which I said, "I thought you were finding a new job and moving us." He said, "Well, probably." End of conversation. Also? I don't think he knows how expensive daycare would be for 2 little ones...



6) Michael is taking off with his pretend play. He's always cooking in his kitchen, or using our pretend tools to fix furniture around the house, or taking his matchbox cars on little adventures around the house. This weekend I even caught him playing with Lily's doll house. He was making the mommy doll and daddy doll fly. "Ma! Fie!" He loves carrying around Lily's velvet Snow White purse as well. But he carries Matchbox cars around in it, so that butches it up a bit. Kind of like when Lily used to play house with Andrew's football figurines...making it their own.

7) I am in a cooking rut. I think I'm going to actually have to learn how to use the grill. With Jeff being gone so much and when he is here getting home so late, my normal summer routine is just thrown off. I purposefully have avoided using the grill because it gives me an excuse to not have to cook dinner (just all the side dishes). But then again, maybe it won't solve anything. Cooking for myself and then hearing everyone complain about it isn't very motivating. And I don't want to eat chicken nuggets all the time...ugh.

8) Apparently, I am just in a summer snit. I think I need to just accept that our family dynamics are changing...we are becoming a family where the dad is just not around as much. I was spoiled for years and years having Jeff home in the evenings and weekends. And he isn't traveling that much, I suppose, so I just need to get over myself, pick up my bootstraps and change my thinking. It isn't HIS fault that he's gone so much...I guess I'll just have to compensate for him being gone without having anyone to blame. Not my speciality. ;) I like having a scapegoat to bitch about.

9) We still haven't painted the trim around the edge of the kitchen. No excuse except for laziness. Perhaps I'll get industrious while Jeff's gone in the next week. It's ridiculous how these things just don't bother either of us.

10) My addiction to House Hunters and Property Virgins is apparently linked to the thought of an impending move. Once Friday came and there was no call about Jeff's potential job, I lost all desire to watch all the ones I had on DVR. So I guess if you want to know the status of Jeff's job hunt, just ask me what I've got saved on my DVR. Lord help us all if I start taping The Baby Story again. :)

33

So far another lovely birthday...although I'm feeling the twinges of a mid-life crisis coming along. Perhaps a pre-mid-life crisis, since I'm only 33 afterall. Found my first gray hair a few weeks ago. My back is achy today. Seriously. Feeling old.



Anyhoo, the kids were hopping eager for me to open the gifts they picked out all by themselves. Lily's was wrapped in a biggish box, and when I ripped the paper off, I saw it was a granola box. Lily's face when she saw the box was possibly my favorite part of the morning. Her eyes widened in disbelief and she started slowly shaking her head. I could almost hear her thinking, "I don't THINK I got Mom cereal...did I?" Inside the box were the actual gifts from Lily. She got me a brand new green watch. My watch band is broken, and Jeff said that Lily thought of this idea herself because she'd noticed I needed a new watch. I am so touched...because Lily actually thought of an appropriate gift and didn't just grab the first thing she saw in the store (like at Christmas when she grabbed a roll of wrapping paper to be Jeff's gift). Unfortunately, the only green watch they had is exceptionally cheap...I hope it lasts as long as her attention span. :) She also wanted to get me new earrings...and she picked out these dangly and sparkly pink and purple doo-dads. I promptly put them on to show off, and Andrew said, "Oh! Mom! They make you so beautiful." Perhaps wearing more jewelry is in store.

Andrew apparently just walked in the store wanting to get me something new for my new kitchen. After grabbing a set of flatware, Jeff stopped him and asked to think of something that I need and would enjoy in my kitchen. I ended up getting some very nice wine glasses (those giant ones that people in movies always drink out of) and a hand grater. I have a feeling that Jeff nudged him towards one of those and let him have free reign for the other.

Michael didn't go on the shopping trip for me. I'm sure he would have gotten me a very nice 5 pack of Matchbox cars or perhaps a box of Froot Loops.

Jeff got me a book that I asked for. Actually, I sent him the Amazon link while he was at work with the subject title, "Get this for my birthday."

We went to Bowmen's Hill Tower, a big tower built in Washington's Crossing Park that I've been wanting to go up. It was crystal clear and the views were incredible. The kids lasted about 5 minutes up there...which was really disappointing, but expected. Then we hiked around the Bowman's Wildflower Preserve for an hour or so. Mostly finding acorns and "teeny tiny pine cones." It was the perfect temperature, the kids were moderately enthusiastic...a successful and lovely morning.

While Michael napped, I read my new book. Now Jeff is baking my take-n-bake pizza that I requested. No mess to clean up in the kitchen...no debacle at a restaurant. Later we will have my cake from the bakery we love...chocolate with raspberry filling and butter cream frosting. I almost had to order it myself, but Jeff was gracious enough to humor his wife and call it in from work. Oh, and I'll be drinking wine with my pizza in my new glasses and grating fresh mozzerella on my pizza while looking at my new watch for the time and wearing my new earrings. Because when children get you presents, you are expected to use them...pronto!

A good birthday!

Okay, so this didn't work

I had this idea to handwrite a blog post while in jury duty today, so that you guys could see what my handwriting looks like. But it turns out that my handwriting is too small and I am not savvy enough on the computer to make it legible. You can enlarge the sample below, but it's just too small to read.


Here's what it says:

August 19, 2010
A Blog Entry from the Jury Lounge, Bucks Co., PA

It's going to be a long day...but a blissfully quiet, unconnected day. I enjoyed reading the entries from others with their handwriting revealed...so why not? This is a good distraction from the waiting for news, anyway.

Ah, the news. Waiting to find out if we are moving...again...to a new state...again. It's quite a bit like being 10 months pregnant and waiting to give birth. Each day you wake up thinking this could be the day your life changes. You know that it also means a disruption of "normal" days, a lack of sleep, and emotional rollercoaster. That life will resume a natural rhythm in 6 months to a year, but life will never be the same. But when will it happen...this seismic tremor to our life...will it happen today? Tomorrow? At least with pregnancy you know they will induce or at the very least cut that little one out. But with waiting for the news of a move...all this anticipation and worry may be all for nothing. The job could be offered to another, and then we are back to square one...Jeff unhappy and searching. And then we'll be back to this place we are in now...again and again until the inevitable move happens.

We haven't been talking to our families during this process...because why get them worked up if it ends up being nothing? But I am a talker...a worrier...a planner...and it drives me CRAZY keeping it in. Until we find out we aren't actually moving. And then I'm glad that they weren't drawn into it.

Ugh. I know that if this is the worst part of my life...this frequent moving...then I am a lucky, lucky person. But let's just get ON with it, already!

Giselle

Ten on Tuesday

1. I know I've been MIA. So what else is new? My parents were in town last week while Jeff went to California for business and I've been preoccupied with things that I don't blog about. I have been trying to form a blog entry in my head about how people into health food can be just like Evangelical Christians...but I'm having a hard time because I don't really know enough about either group...except how they make me feel like I am not worthy to share this planet with them. Also, there is this big thing preoccupying my mind that I can't talk about here and it is all I'm thinking about. Which I will probably be able to share eventually, but I don't know when. And maybe not. Argh. When I go back and read my own blog, I truly regret the large time gaps that occur now and again. But sometimes, blogging just isn't in me.



2. I have always been a huge believer in letting kids be kids and not over scheduling them. My kids just don't do very many classes. Part of it is I value them learning how to entertain themselves without a teacher or leader telling them what to do all the time. Part of it is I don't like entertaining the other 2 children while we wait for the 3rd kid in the class. But I'm just starting to realize the downside to all of this. My children don't know how to DO anything. They don't swim, can't ride bikes, don't play any musical instruments, etc etc. The rational part of my brain knows that they are only 2,3, and 6 for crying out loud. But sometimes the societal pressure gets really overwhelming.



3. My summer goals for Andrew are totally a bust. There is no scrapbook of writing pages for the summer. We didn't go very many exciting places or try new activities. He did chores for money for about 2 weeks until that fizzled out. I'm anxious for school just to force me into a routine, since I am apparently a failure at self-imposed scheduling. And at the same time, I am so so so sad that he will be gone each day from 9-4.



4. We were supposed to go to the shore today to visit a friend that has a second home there. As in, the Jersey shore. Oh, yea, baby. I had the self tanner ready. I have since chickened out. I don't actually know what I was thinking. I know I really feel like I should experience the shore, since it is part of the cultural experience around here. EVERYONE goes to the shore. And I've never been. But why I thought it was a good idea to drive 2 hours one way and then spend the day with the 3 kids in a place that I can't even imagine (arcades and rides at the beach? weird)... just call it a momentary lapse of judgement.



5. Lily is getting some serious pre-teen attitude with me. Nothing makes me see red like a flippant attitude from that girl. She has been in time out so many times in the last week for saying things like, "No I'm not." and "Don't talk to me." when I ask her to do something. I am really practicing my deep breathing lately. This is the child that will earn me my parenting stripes, I tell you.



6. We are loving the Pokemon over here lately. I let Andrew get a video from the library one week, and Lily and Andrew have been playing Pokemon ever since. They love to play up on my bed, and on a good day, they'll be up there for over an hour playing. Take them to a park...play happily together. Backyard...play happily together. If they want a break, Andrew is inside making his own Pokemon cards (I haven't bought any for him). It has been De-Lightful. Poor Mikey is left out, so there are often bitter tears of rejection when his beloved big brother and sister close the door on him. But other than that, we just get a new DVD from the library when we go, and the play keeps on going. Love. It.

7. Our 11th anniversary was on the 7th. My parents had just arrived, so we actually went out on a date! We went to dinner and a movie and really enjoyed ourselves. We were a little concerned with the movie, because we just don't pay attention to that part of the world anymore and so picked one relatively randomly. I swear every other person in the theatre was at least 20 years older than us. We were starting to worry that the movie was sponsored by Geritol or something. But apparently the 50 and up crowd just really like movies about lesbians. It was a good flick. Even if the guy in front of us lost his cell phone before the movie even started and had the theatre staff looking under and inside the seats with a flashlight. And after 20 minutes of searching, his wife suddenly remembered that she had a phone and had the bright idea of calling his cell phone.

8. My birthday is this coming Saturday, and Jeff took the kids out shopping for it last weekend. It was all I could do to convince Lily not to tell me what she picked out. Jeff and I have the tradition of letting the kids go hog wild and pick out what they think is a good gift. It is usually quite amusing to see what they think I need and want. Anyway, Lily was a good girl and didn't tell me. Until we went to Target yesterday, and both Andrew and Lily got all excited because that is where they bought their gifts for me. I again convinced them not to reveal their secret. But Andrew was still having a hard time, frequently saying things like, "Mom. This might be the section that we got your gift from..." I can't wait to see what they've picked out for me.

9. I'm in an end of summer slump. I don't feel like doing anything, going anywhere, being ambitious about anything. I know it is the heat and that as soon as the cool crisp air starts coming I will perk up. I have the opposite of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I have TFHIGTKMD (This F-ing Heat Is Going To Kill Me Disorder).

10. Finally to end this angry pouty post...Oh I can't even think of a 10th thing. How about how Michael refuses to count? I know he can count, because if I am counting cars and pause at a number, he fills in the blank. Like I say, "One, two, three, ______." and Mikey fills in "Fow". But if I ask him to count, he just says, "Eightnineeightnineeightnine." And then smiles evilly. Jeff and I were walking with him each holding one of his hands and counting one...two...three...lift up in the sky. He wanted to do it over and over, but I wanted HIM to do the counting. So after lifting him up a few times, I told him to count to three for us. He responded, "Eight nine Eight nine GOOOOOOO!"

Sweatin' Like a Pig

File this one under: Stuff Andrew Says

We were driving home from the grocery yesterday, and we took our usual route past the horse pastures and then past the house with two pot-bellied pigs. Lily saw the pigs and the following conversation followed:

Lily- Mom, why do pigs always get in mud?

Me- Well, it's because they are hot. When people get hot, their skin lets off sweat so the wetness can cool them off. Pigs can't sweat, so to cool off their skin they like to cover it in mud. So it really is nonsense when people say, "I'm sweating like a pig."

A pause falls over the car.

Andrew- It would make sense to say it if you weren't actually sweating.

Me- (laughing). That's true, Andrew. Good thinking.

Another pause.

Andrew- Hey Mom! I'm sweating like a pig back here!

Out of place

Okay...so I'm a little out of the whole SSC thing. I have mentioned before that my attention span is quite short. I try to do an activity each day with the kids that involves crafty or sciency stuff...but the whole organization of it is out the window. And Andrew has VBS this week at our church, so he's gone the whole morning.

Which makes me realize how much I miss having him around. Why is it that just as your kids get easy and fun to be around, they have to go to school full day? I would like to hang out with my 6 year old all day, thank you very much. Where is the full day school for the manic-depressive psycho toddler? -sigh-

I digress. I really just wanted to write down a cute Lily moment.


We were pulling into the library to return books and pick up my holds, and we saw one of Lily's teachers from last year walking to her car with her daughters. I pointed her out to Lily..."Look! There's Mrs. Wood, Lily!"

Lily was rather unaffected and said, "But I don't see Mrs. Gulla."

As if it couldn't possibly be her teacher if the assistant teacher wasn't nearby. Siamese twins.