Monday started a new lifestyle. I will not call it a diet, because that word is just DIE with a little "t" on the end...and rightly so.
Let's start off by saying that this isn't the first time I've tried to change myself. As you can see here, it was my New Year's Resolution for 2006! But I was mercifully let off the hook by getting pregnant a few weeks into January. (Ironically, I actually lost 10 pounds in the first trimester of that pregnancy. Apparently involuntary bulimia works for me!) I have a problem with my attention span. I am usually really good about curbing my bad eating...for about a week. And then when I do my first weigh in, there are never results, so I get bored, and there you have it.
I have a problem. Here's my weight gaining history...
I've been steadily gaining weight since August of 1977. My lowest weight so far has been 9 lbs 5 oz...but I was up to 120 by high school graduation. By college graduation/marriage time, I was 140. The first years in California really kicked my ass...actually really GREW my ass...and I was 165. 3 pregnancies...and my highest weight was at 193...which was just this past April! And in 3 months, I've gone from 193 to 165 again. But since I don't think I can push out another baby and lose 30 pounds (without getting pregnant again, that is), now I have to work to get back down to 140. I'm not kidding myself that I can get back to high school shape. Seriously, these hips will never be the same again. But 140 was a good weight. I think I was a size 10. That's reasonable, right?
So I know this is boring...I just wanted to write down...for the record...that I'm trying to do this again. And every time I feel hungry, I just think, "No, this is your body wanting to be fat." Because, honestly, how can I be hungry? Lily seriously eats a yogurt for breakfast, and applesauce for lunch, and a few handfuls of Cheerios for dinner. She NEVER acts hungry, and she's still growing up. I'm not growing...so why do I need 3 square meals plus sundae's? And don't even give me the "breastfeeding" BS. Unless Michael requires milk shakes, I don't need to be eating so many sweets and snacks. ;)
So exercise is still out of the questions, although it is certainly a goal. But until I can use the bathroom by myself for 30 seconds, I don't foresee having time to exercise during the day. And I can't physically get up any earlier and I'm ZONKED by the time Lily and Andrew go to bed. So I'll give myself some time on that. For now, I'm keeping a "food diary", which works only if I am honest with myself. I'm doing good so far, but I know next week I'll sneak a Snickers bar and just "forget" to write it down. Lovely. I'm trying to not graze in the afternoon, and I'm definitely limiting my hot fudge allowance.
I just reward myself with sweets and snacks. I'm having a rough day? I CRAVE brownies, candy, cake, etc. They make me feel better. So any suggestions on what else I can reward myself with are welcome. And I swear if any of you suggest going for a jog to "reward" myself I will hunt you down and beat you with my ice cream scooper. Don't test me...I'm hungry.
By the way, what is the likelihood that I will actually exersize when I can't even SPELL exersize. Thank God for spell check!
3 comments:
Good luck, Giselle. Your weight history sounds very similar to mine, including the highs, lows, and the goal. And the impossible exercise at this point. I've been working on it lately, too, and I just make sure the house is STOCKED with snacks that I like that are not TOO terrible. But they still need to be chocolate. One I've found is the Mini Warm Delights by Better Crocker. 30 seconds in microwave makes warm chocolate cake that is 150 calories. Awesome.
My goodness this post makes me hungry.
Good luck. This is so tough. I find that the more I focus on NOT eating the harder not eating is. But if I have a few good snacks around, one salty & one sweet, then it helps. Pickles is always a good one for me. Dumdums (it's like I'm pottytraining!) and honeycomb cereal are also good.
For your sanity, please don't even try to get down to 140lb because that was 10 years and 3 babies ago. Your body, hormones and metabolism are different.
I know you are gonna think, "Carrie is thin so she should shut-up" and maybe I should. But I'm gonna say this anyway.
Just try to eat healthily as much as possible, take walks when you feel like it, and allow yourself small treats without judging yourself and feeling guilty.
I always thought you looked really good the way you were. Besides, what matters most is your stellar personality, and you've got that in spades.
Do you hate me now?
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