I had a surreal moment today.
Andrew is in camp...glorious camp. He loves it, and I love it because I feel less guilty about being a "0" mom when I know he is at least having fun in the mornings. I DON'T love camp because I have to haul Lily and Michael in and out of the car to drop Andrew off and pick him up. But I'm getting the hang of it...and it isn't that bad.
Today I was trekking back to my car, pushing a screaming Michael in the stroller while talking to Andrew and shepherding Lily away from the parking lot and towards our car. As I passed two women talking beside their cars, I hear one woman say, "Oh, what an adorable little girl." (Lily WAS adorable...wearing her little Elmo dress and stomping down the sidewalk like she owned it). The other lady said quietly, "I wonder how far apart she is from the baby."
I turned and said, "18 months." And she said, "Oh, well, I just found out that my 3rd child will be 17 months younger than my baby." And I explained how Michael was my "surprise", and I thought 3 years was the perfect spacing between children, and how I spent my entire pregnancy in fear. And she looked at me with complete understanding in her eyes, and kept nodding and telling me how her situation is exactly the same. And I saw her fear and nervousness and listened to her plead, "So....how is it?"
And I told her the truth..."It is hard. But not nearly as hard as you think it will be. Somehow you do it and get through each day. You'll be fine." As I pulled out of the parking lot, I remembered to put down my window and tell her congratulations. She sighed and shrugged and said thanks.
And I am left feeling bad for her. Not because of her surprise pregnancy. I hope she finds a wonderful little joyful surprise at the end like I have. I hope she finds that she falls more in love with her baby with each passing day. That there are certainly hard days, and she will probably be more exhausted physically and mentally than ever before. But there are also amazing moments of love and contentedness. I realized how happy I am with my little family, how proud I am to have all 3 of my babies, and how glad I am that Michael surprised us. And I realized that although it defies all logic, I wouldn't change a thing. Not even the spacing between Lily and Michael...because that would mean I wouldn't have Michael, right?
No, I feel bad for that woman because I know what she has to go though for the next 7 or 8 months. It was like looking through a time machine at myself. And I'm so glad to be at this end.
(and I realize that this woman may be NOTHING like me. She is probably nervous but really elated and feeling blessed and excited about baby #3. There are only a few control freaks like me out there that flip out for an entire pregnancy, in such denial that they don't even pack a bag for the hospital when labor is immanent. But, whatever.)
1 comment:
I think you are quite normal. You accept reality and roll with it, which is what everyone has to do. If it had been me, I would have had to have MAJOR med increases and probably start intensive 4 x a week therapy.
I guess the one good thing about G sleeping like poop is that there is virtually no chance of me getting pregnant because the deed just ain't being done.
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