Life is a lot of one-upping, isn't it? In all aspects of life, no story can be told without someone in the crowd having a "better" one. Brian Regan (my favorite comic of all time) has a whole bit about this...like, if you've only had 2 wisdom teeth taken out, don't even bother trying to tell the story, because the 4 wisdom teeth people will come out and beat down your story.
Motherhood is very much like this. "You think YOUR baby had colic? Well, MY kid cried for 20 hours every day for 15 months." "You think you potty trained your kid early? Well, MY THREE KIDS were all potty trained at 14 months." "You think you have no time alone? Well, my husband works in Asia and my mother is allergic to my house, and my kids ate the last babysitter...so I'm really alone." Etc. etc. It's as if we are AFRAID to say that we enjoy things, or that we have good times...because then no one will feel like we are really doing a hard job. We've got to exaggerate the bad stuff just to legitimize our experience. One of my biggest pet peeves it when I tell people that I'm a stay-at-home mother and they say in a sticky-sweet, overly dramatic tone, "Oh! That's the hardest job in the world." No it's not. It's challenging, but I'd hardly call it the hardest job in the world. Anyone with a functioning uterus and access to a penis can qualify. I don't even have to go out and make money. It's hard to be a GOOD mother, whatever that means. You don't know that I'm GOOD at this...my kids could be sitting in a dirty diaper all day eating cheerios off the floor for all you know. Oh, wait,speaking of...I've got to go change Mikey's diaper.
What-ever! Here are some of my favorite things about being a mother *
1) My kids think I'm beautiful...despite all evidence to the contrary. I was wearing a new red shirt last week (it cost $9 at Kohl's..so not too nice) and Andrew looked at me and said, "You are so pretty in that shirt."
2) Michael still wakes up once a night for milk and a cuddle. And I...gasp...like it. By 4 am, I'm all stiff and sore from lying in bed all night and I need to pee anyway. So I get to get up and stretch, and really? There's nothing like a warm, limp baby snuggling up against you in the rocker. I LIKE it.
3) I really like children's books. Nothing makes me happier than sitting on the couch with a big pile of books, all covered up with my very own, home-grown children. We read until I'm hoarse. Or until Michael threatens to eat one of the books.
4) Lily's tantrums are cute. In between being exasperated with her, I love watching her fight for what she wants. All puffed up and furious...she is full of self-confidence and self-righteousness and determination. I think how she grins and nods when I tell her how beautiful she is. How she yells, "I love vaginas" when I change her diaper. (weird, I know). I think of how pre-teen and teenage girls look, so desperate to fit in, so certain they are ugly, so convinced that they are dumb and incapable...and I wish Lily could just bottle up what she has right now and use it in the hallways of junior high. In some ways, I want her to stay just the way she is.
5) Kids really make you experience life for the first time...all over again. When Michael wants to flip light switches all morning and afternoon, it can get tiresome. Until you see the look of wonder and amazement and JOY on his face when he does it. And then you think, gosh, that IS amazing. Electric lights are a miracle...you just flip this little gizmo over here and the room lights up over there. FANTASTIC. I've totally been taking this miraculous invention for granted. And that goes for seeing a rabbit in the yard (nothing is more exciting), finding an ant during a walk, or catching a ball. Things we don't think about, but really are kind of cool. I get to remember...a million times a day.
6) Having discussions with Andrew is really getting fun. He has so many ideas of his own and has really developed a curious, discriminating mind and a gentle, conscientious heart. I love him so much more NOW than I did as a baby, because he is his own person and I am enjoying getting to know him. It makes me excited to find out what Lily and Mike will think about things someday.
Oh! There are so many more. But they need me now, so I'll have to stop typing. Being needed is another. Being the person to kiss and make everything better is another. Making me someone my husband needs is another. Being the best comic, best artist, best chef is another. Folding teeny tiny clothes...I love the way they look. Having an excuse to spend an hour in the sunshine of a playground. Giving me a bridge to meet new people...motherhood is a great conversation starter. Giving me a decade or so to NOT have to worry about what I want to be when I grow up. Making me bellylaugh every day about one thing or another.
Mostly, I cherish those moments when I look at all 3 of them and remember how lucky I am to get to do this. It isn't a given... Through all the frustrating, brain-melting moments...having them is really wonderful.
Seriously, I should now stop typing and go take care of them. Or else next Mother's Day, I might be writing about how great they like the foster care system.
* Giselle reserves the right to complain about all of these very same things in other posts.
3 comments:
What a great post ("I love vaginas" had me hooting with laughter)! It's so easy to focus on the hard things about being a mom. It's so nice to be reminded of all the good! Hope you had a great Mother's Day, Giselle!
Giselle, you are the BEST! :)
This is a great post! In terms of the "one up" thing: sometimes when I think I am "empathizing" or relating to the other person, it does come across as trying to top the story. It's good to be aware of that because having a few "one up" acquaintances, it really is annoying (right up there with unsolicited advice).
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