When I moved to PA, I quickly started attending a playgroup set up randomly by the local MOMS club. Now, I've joined lots of playgroups and set up lots of playdates over my years as a mom. And playgroups are very tricky...it is rare to find a group of women that doesn't break into cliques or fight within...it is even rarer to find women like that who ALSO have decent kids that don't bite, bully, and cause problems. Well...more than NORMAL kids, anyway.
This group of women has always been awesome. It hasn't stayed the same...we've added some and lost some. But through it all, this playgroup has been a life line in an otherwise lonely SAH week.
But I kind of feel like it is time for me to leave.
-gasp-
I would go every week...if we could go without our children. When we started, our kids were 2 and 3 years old. Little fries. Since then, our kids have grown a lot, we've added younger siblings...and they've grown a lot. At this point, when we meet, it is 15 kids ranging from age 20 months to Andrew (6). It is A LOT. They destroy the house...even though they really get a long great. And we meet at night now...from 4 to whenever. So the hostess feeds the kids dinner. And now we've gotten into the habit of making something for the women for dinner too. And the meals get fancier and fancier and then we started adding dessert and then people started dressing their kids in pjs so they could stay later and...
Let's just say...it's gotten out of hand. I readily admit that crowds are one of my least favorite things on earth. And our playgroup has gotten to be a crowd. I really enjoy it...especially if only a few of us show up for whatever reason. But there are 7 of us women...and I couldn't choose which ones I'd prefer to hang out with. I like them all for different reasons.
I feel like I spend all afternoon preparing Andrew: "Now you are the biggest. No chasing, no wrestling, no putting your hands on other kids." And then once we're there, he inevitably gets in trouble and spends time sulking in a corner or on the couch. Lily is fine. She disappears and plays without interacting AT ALL with the other kids. Michael is a disaster...always climbing on things, finishing up other kids' juice boxes and eating off the floor.
It's just so weird, because I've always moved away before I had to deal with something like this. I am going to have to learn how to bridge the social gap when there aren't any children there to give us an excuse to get together. It's like I'm socially retarded all of a sudden. And I just hate to see this one go. Darned kids getting older and shit.
-sigh-
4 comments:
This would probably be hard to do, but when/if you decide to leave, you should say why you are doing it. I'd bet you are not the only mom feeling that way. Even if the group continues with that setup, you might find that one or two call you to have a more normal playdate. I rarely do playgroups, partly because of the crowd. I do get together with my girlfriends from college about once a month, from mid-morning until after lunch, but that is okay because it is only once a month and because some women drive an hour just to get here. Good luck with what you decide!
Ugh, yeah, the playgroup thing is tough. I've been in several, and I've mostly experienced the negative stuff that you mentioned: cliques, talking behind people's backs, etc. Right now I'm in a smaller playgroup (4 moms) who get together because we were friends first (from church) and then had kids. Our kids aren't all the same ages, but the moms are awesome and the kids still have fun.
So ugh, yeah, that would be really tough. I agree with Nicole, if you decide to leave, you should explain why, and even say in your "goodbye message" how much you've enjoyed the ladies in the group and really want to make an effort to keep hanging out on a smaller basis. Then initiate something. If they are such a great group of moms, I'm sure they'll understand and be happy to get together in smaller settings.
Remember how honking huge the playgroups were here in Lou??? I hated it. I much, much prefer a playgroup of 3-4 moms. So much more manageable.
When they get that big, you don't even get to have a conversation because you are just doing damage control.
Holy cow...I get tired just thinking about hosting a play group that size and feeding everyone!!
Post a Comment