Against All Odds

FACT: I suck at keeping secrets.

FACT: I am a control freak. Which is why moving is so hard for me...it is not in my control. Which is why waiting almost a year to get pregnant was so hard for me...again out of my control.

FACT: All 3 times I've been pregnant, it took 8 months of charting my temperature, supplementing all sorts of things you don't want to hear about, planned/unspontaneous/unromantic sex. All 3 times. It was WORK to get pregnant. Fun work, but work non-the-less.

FACT: Each time I got pregnant, my body gave me distinct signs that I was ovulating. Very distinct. I was convinced that I just ovulate every 8 months or so.

FACT: Jeff and I were feeling pretty secure in our "sub-fertility" as one doctor put it. I have been putting off getting on hormonal birth control (cause it makes me sick) and depending on less effective barrier methods. But who cares about "less-effective"? We're sub-fertile. Even 90% effectiveness should be good enough for us.

FACT: This is probably WAY too much information about my sex life for most of my readers.

FACT: They have probably left the computer to go barf in the toilet.

FACT: Which may be where I end up later this morning.

FACT: When Jeff and I talked about the spacing of our children...even before we had any...I pretty much couldn't imagine having them any closer than 3 years apart. After having Andrew, I could imagine 2 1/2 year apart. Not a month closer.

FACT: I regard people with kids 2 years or less apart as crazy. Sorry to all my friends who have kids with that spacing. But I've always regarded you as crazy. Gluttons for punishment. Mostly just crazy.

FACT: Jeff and I have not yet decided if we want a 3rd child or not. We have been leaning towards 2 because I get so sick during pregnancy, we live far from family, we want to travel, we have 2 really great kids, so why jinx it, etc etc etc.

FACT: I have had NO signs of ovulation since weaning Lily.

FACT: I have missed 2 periods.

FACT: I have taken 3 positive pregnancy tests.

FACT: I had an ultrasound yesterday that showed a beating heart somewhere in my uterus.

FACT: This baby is due in April...Lily will be a mere 18 months old. Andrew will be 4 1/2.

FACT: Against all odds, I am pregnant.

FACT: Jeff and I have spent the last month in disbelief. If I had a nickel for every time we've said, "How did this happen...to US?"...I'd be able to put this child through college. Well, let's be realistic. I'd at least be able to buy a college book for this child.

FACT: I am TERRIFIED. And NERVOUS. And feeling quite INADEQUATE and definitely TOO LAZY to have babies so close together. 18 months apart. OH DEAR GOD.

FACT: I am somewhere deep down below all these anxious feelings, really really curious and excited to meet this baby who has broken all our patterns and come here despite all our expectations. This kid is meant to be.