I don't know what to post about today. I feel like I just did this pregnancy thing...I just recently bored you with posts about throwing up and wanting to kill myself. About my little boy being so bored he acts out...which makes his grouchy mommy lash out at him and then wallow in guilt the rest of the day. About how I dream of eating, but in reality I am carefully looking at every meal thinking, "Yes, it will taste good going down. But how will it feel coming up?" About how all I want to do is be hooked up to an IV with nutrients and crawl into a bed for the next few months. And these all sound like terribly pathetic posts, so I will pass on all of them.
I am trying my hardest to take this pregnancy one day at a time. As in, "Okay, I only threw up once today. Not too bad" or "I felt like death would be preferable today, but I made it through managing to keep not only myself, but also my children alive." You know, one day at a time. But I find myself remembering. And having had 2 bad experiences, I find myself anticipating. Anticipating months of feeling like this. Which just makes you feel 10 times worse. Imagine having the stomach flu. Yuck, right? Now imagine you go to the doctor, and he tells you it will go away in 11 weeks. 3 months. You leave feeling infinitely yuckier.
So hard as I try, I find myself wallowing in my past experience. After 2 yucky pregnancies, I've lost all patience with well-meaning strangers and friends. Yes, I've tried ginger. Yes, I've tried motion sickness bands. Yes, I've eaten Saltines in the morning. B-6? Tried it. This is my 3rd pregnancy. The only thing I've found that helps my sickness is having the baby. So please don't offer me any advice. Don't tell me it will all be over soon. Nothing you have to say will be earth-shattering or will help me. And I should be nice and polite because they are only trying to help me feel better. But I am just impatient and short. I have even said to my playgroup, "Please don't ask me how I'm feeling. It depresses you to hear me say crappy, and it depresses me even more. You'll know when I'm feeling better...no need to be polite." Nice. Wouldn't you want to be my friend?
And the worst part? I'm scared to death about when this pregnancy is over. I STILL lose sleep over what the hell I'm going to do all day with two babies. I know, I know, people do it all the time. Heavens, people have multiples and other babies. But that isn't me. I'm LAZY. I don't do crafts or a particularly good job entertaining my kids. Jeff asked me this weekend if we would get Sesame Place passes again next summer. Uh...no? Pool...uh...no? How exactly will I keep an eye on an 18 month old and a newborn and a 4 year old by myself? What do I do with the newborn when I'm swimming with the 18 month old? When the newborn wakes up and needs to be fed, do I drag the 18 month old out and strap her to the stroller until I'm finished? And will the 4 year old be totally independent by then...cause he'll have to be. I'm convinced that we'll be doing NOTHING...but going crazy inside that is.
Damn it. This post is pathetic. Just the type I was trying to avoid. I'll go observe my children. They'll give me something else to post about. Ohhhh, I know. Andrew's first day of school is tomorrow. I'll post about that.
5 comments:
I used to think that it would be really satisfying to give food poisoning to everyone who said, "Oh, yes, I had morning sickness too--I had to eat crackers before I could get out of bed! Whoo! But then I was okay!" Then while they were barfing, I would say, "Oh, have you tried eating crackers before getting out of bed?"
Don't let my post freak you out. I have my moments, and I write as therapy during those moments. But the moments pass--and for the most part things are okay. I think it helps to have "survival" as a goal, as opposed to, say, "crafts." Then you feel awesome if you get through the day at all! Hm, that doesn't sound very encouraging.
A message from one "child-neglected home" to another... :P
What you are going through SUCKS and you have every right to feel what you do right now!!!
If it makes you feel any better, as a mom I am SO glad that Alec is starting school tomorrow so that I can feel some peace of mind knowing that he will be learning something instead of watching tv all day. That is what my life as a mom has come to these last few weeks also! :)
I am no longer even trying to hide my eye rolls at all the pregnancy assvice people are baraging me with! Um, I've done this before thank you very much!!!
There is no way around it - being pregnant with a pre-schooler and a baby sucks. But I just keep reminding myself that at least they will all be off to college around the same time and I can have a life again :)
Anticipation SUCKS! I totally agree that it can make things so much worse. Sorry Giselle.
Oh, Giselle! I totally relate to you, and Owen was planned! Now, go eat some crackers or something... ;-) (You know I'm kidding, I was sick my entire pregnancy with all 3 of mine...I wanted to strangle everyone who had "helpful advice" for me)!
As far as the bitching and moaning...you're on a pregnancy pass from me. While pregnant, you can say, do, eat & wear anything you like, and other people just have to let it go!
Post a Comment