Crisis of mortality

Last week was Andrew's last night of swim lessons. He will still be taking lessons, but we've moved them to Saturday afternoon, because those night time lessons were really really difficult for my early-to-bed boy.

I don't talk much about Andrew's extra-curricular activities, because there aren't that many. There are 3 main reasons for this:

1) I am lazy and cheap.

2) I feel strongly that it is important for children to get to be children. I also feel it is an important skill to know how to entertain yourself, without always being in structured organized activities. I also feel like organized activities are inevitable as they get older, so why not utilize the younger years to make up games and figure out what to do with those extra hours of the day.

3) Mostly, it's because I'm lazy.

So we try to have Andrew in one sport, so he can try stuff out. And then swim lessons, because I feel those are really important. He just finished soccer this weekend, which he really didn't want to do. But he ended up LOVING it.

I usually stay with the littles, for whatever reason. So I went to his last swim lesson to see his progress. (which was incredible, btw. He swam across the pool on his back! With no help! He was jumping in and swimming with actual strokes across the pool over and over. 6 months ago, he could barely get his face wet. Amazing.)

Anyway, on the 5 minute drive to the pool, Andrew randomly struck up this conversation:

A- Mom? Do men live longer than women?

M- Why do you ask?

A- Well, women bleed so much and hurt so much to have babies, does that make them die younger?

M- Actually, women's bodies are made to have babies. So usually we recover just fine. And actually, if you remember going to the nursing home last year, there were lots more women than men. That's because women actually tend to live longer.

A- (sniffing and almost crying) Whhhhaaaaattt? Meeennnn don't liiiiiive as longggg? (sniff sniff, frog in throat)

M- Hey! Do you want to go get ice cream afterwards to celebrate the last swim lesson?

A- (snapping out of it immediately) Great! Can I get a cherry on top?

Phew! Crisis of mortality averted...for now. I swear, you never know where a conversation is going with that kid.

Halloween fairy...and other days leading up to that...

Okay...let's get this thing started.

Um, first order of business...fall pictures, for my friend Pamela. As you can see, not all trees change at the same time, so you have my neighbor's beautiful yellow and red trees, while my trees stay green. That big green tree is a pear tree, and we have two of them in our front yard. They don't lose their leaves until it is so cold that holding a rake gives you frostbite. Oh, and if you don't pay hundreds of dollars to have them pruned every few years, they get really top heavy and weak. Then all it takes is a robin farting as it flies by, and their branches fall apart and the entire trees have to be removed. Lovely trees.
Looking into our backyard. Oh, how I love our burning bushes. But as much as I want a Christmas card picture posed out here...it just never happens. The few days these were at their peak this year, it was raining.

The Maple Triplets in our side yard. Oh how I heart these trees. So shady and elegant in the summer, and they burst into color each fall. And this is our view out our family room window. NOTHING beats a cold snap day, snuggled under a blanket on the recliner, sipping a cup of hot cider, dipping ginger cookies and looking out the window onto those three beauties.

Okay, now for Halloween. Lily had her party and parade last Wednesday. The parade looked something like this: (each child sprinting towards their family)

I tried to get a picture of Ariel and Belle...the girls were less than enthused.

The whole class...notice how a few are being restrained by the teachers on the left...cute, aren't they? And, yes, that is her entire class...except that one teacher isn't in the photo. 9 kids, 3 teachers, reasonable tuition...love this school.

Kate and Colin flew in Thursday night. I have disappointingly few pictures of their tenure at our house. On Thursday I took Kate to our Thursday night playgroup...it can be a bit, um, crazy. But I think she had a good time talking with my friends, I KNOW my friends enjoyed meeting her, and Colin did fantastic.

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The next day, we went to the pumpkin farm to pick out our pumpkins. After convincing Lily to put back 6 of the 9 pumpkins she had picked out, we went to a craft store to get paint and brushes. The Halloween fairy had arrived! Then Andrew went to school, and Kate and Colin got to work making decorations.

Towards the end of Andrew's school day, we went to watch his school's Halloween parade. They actually go on a mile or so parade route through the streets of our town, with the 4th and 5th graders stopping through the nursing home in town. Very cool. Unfortunately, I was going off of the original letter home, and didn't realize they had changed the time. So we missed the whole danged thing. I dropped Kate, Lily, and Colin off at the park near school and ran in to get Andrew.

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I got a cute picture of Andrew in his classroom...notice the really short student in the front. Hmmm...why isn't he in costume?

Then we hurried back to play at the park too. Colin put his cousin to work right away.

Michael contemplating where he wants to go next...

Andrew wizened up and rode with Colin in their "time machine".

Then we went home for...you guessed it...naked pumpkin painting.

Lily painting her baby pumpkins.

Andrew painting Michael's pumpkin. I kept Michael restrained in the basement while the Halloween Fairy took over the painting. Have I mentioned I hate painting with kids? At least Kate got to witness the madness that is trying to clean up paint while keeping the one year old out of the paint and out of the toilet while the other kids wash up.

Saturday we had pumpkin bagels for breakfast and to a farmer's market thingy for lunch. Andrew ate 4 pieces of sushi for his Aunt Kate. That's not just a Halloween Fairy...that's a miracle maker.

-

Then we carved our pumpkins and took naps and then went to Wendy's for dinner and then got ready for trick-or-treating. Rain was in the forecast, so we left early...like 5:45 early. But good move, because it started to rain at 6:45.
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Here's the crew getting ready to go out. Good thing we have those glow sticks...I don't know if anyone could see them...in the daylight and all. Oh, and there are 2 extra kids in there...our bus stop buddies came over and trick-or-treated with us. We ended up meeting up with a couple other girls from Andrew's class...he had a blast showing off for all those girls and running up to houses with them. Lot of fun.

In front of their carved pumpkins. This is the best it gets, people.

Andrew, Colin, and Kate passing out candy after we were done trick-or-treating.

Besides all the Halloween fun, we had lots of time playing and laughing and fighting and eating and watching shows and catching up on our sisterly stuff.

-

Here's Kate making Michael belly-laugh. And teaching him to hit people in the face with hammers (?)

I'm so lucky that my sister is willing to go to the trouble to fly here to spend a special weekend with us. Colin is our kids' only first cousin, so I love making these memories for them. We'll see you guys after Christmas! But this time, we'll come to YOUR neck of the woods.

Nablopomo-ramalangadingdong

So today is November. I will be challenging myself again to have a post each day of November. It has some fancy-pants name around the blogging world, that I cannot remember for the life of me. Mostly because I'm pretty sure the first little bit is "Na" which is supposed to stand for November, which makes no sense to me because there are no "a"'s in the word November.

I have lots to write about at the beginning of the month..what with our end of October visit from the Halloween fairy. ;) More about that later today.

But I'll need some help later in the month. So if there is anything you've always wanted to ask, just ask in the comments. I know I am a fascinating person...it must be hard to live without knowing the most intimate details of my life. (and I already know that nobody is going to ask if I use sarcasm for humor...)

First up? Halloween Fairy stuff.

"She just popped up."

At church, the kids in Sunday School are divided into two "teams", Judea and Bethlehem. I think it is something like every other grade is on a team together. They get points for attending, bringing their Bible, bringing a friend. At the end of the school year, they get something...I'm not sure what...maybe just bragging rights.

So yesterday, our neighbor brought her kids to church. I've been a little...shall we say...excited about this church. So since she has to listen to me blabber away at the bus stop every day, she decided to come.

Apparently, this is how the conversation went in Sunday school...

"Did anyone bring a friend to Sunday school today?"
Andrew--"Well, this is my friend Lauren. She's in my kindergarten class. I didn't bring her exactly...she just kind of popped up."

;) Always honest Andrew.

TV is good

Okay, all you TV naysayers. I submit that TV is GOOD.

Yesterday, we watched a new episode of Penguins of Madagascar. It was quite an event, because this is one of our favorite shows, but they only have a new episode once every couple of months. The episode featured the penguins investigating a strange blob on their zoo clock. Turns out it was a hornet's nest. The rest of the show is spent with the penguins trying to get rid of the hornets (and epically failing) so they didn't harass the children who visit the zoo.

After we'd watched it twice, Andrew says, "Hey! We have one of those in our front yard. I thought it was a funny branch, but I guess it was a hornet's nest."

Sure enough, in the tree that is right next to our front door...

Exterminators are on their way.

I again say...TV is GOOD.

A monster

We have a monster in our house.

He stomps around our house...grunting and growling and occasionally screaming.

He bites anything and everything at very random times...the edge of the couch...a book...a leg.

He drools over everything...big ribbons of the stuff just oozing out of his mouth at all times.

He is up at all hours of the night, crying out pitifully. He is fragile and whiny and cries out during the daytime hours.

This monster has a name. It is Canine Boy. Oh, how we can't wait for those canines to erupt and put an end to this monster.

But he's still awfully cute...

Halloween party

Ah! Halloween! In an effort to once again be the polar opposite of my big sister, this is one of my least favorite holidays. While it does include my favorite food (candy) it distracts from the beauty and loveliness of my favorite season. Right when the leaves are their crunchiest and the world is alight with bright and vibrant colors and the bugs are dying a slow angry death...we are forced to pick a costume that is creative and original and clever and parade around begging for candy. Then there is the decorating! Such pressure...only to get to pick from a few bland themes...death and dying. Throw into the mix 3 children who hate dressing up (I know! WTH?), one who hates chocolate (which leads to fits after the treats are handed out), and a mother who has not a single crafty/creative bone in her body. The J.W. door-to-door preachers might have a better chance with me, if their little booklet said, "Join us! We don't do Halloween!"...with all the stuff about no birthdays, no blood transfusions, and only a few hundred allowed in heaven WAY on the back page. (not dissing the J.W. people...I just get them frequently, and they immediately ruin any chance of converting me by ringing my doorbell and waking up my baby. I'm just saying...)

Anyhoo...Michael pretty much sums up my feelings on Halloween here...

But of course we do Halloween...this weekend we had a chili cookoff/Halloween party at our new church. Which I keep meaning to tell you about. But this post is about Halloween. ;)

Our costumes?

You get 3 guesses as to what Andrew picked...and the first two don't count. We finally bought him a new football costume. The OSU one that he's worn for several Halloween's is a size 2-4. I mean, he still wears it around the house...but those pants were TIGHT.






Then we have our Super-man. Best costume EVER...thanks to my friend Michele for lending it to me. No head piece to rip off or annoy the 1 year old...just pure cuteness as he toddles around with his cape.

And, finally...my princess. (gag...barf...) Lily INSISTED on being "Ariott", AKA. Ariel from The Little Mermaid. Thank heavens my friend Sharon was nice enough to let us borrow her daughter's costume. But then the arms were too itchy, so we had to put a flowered shirt underneath. And then she refused to wear the red wig or even let me spray some red hair dye. She did, however, wear the crown all night long. So I present Ariel...in dire need to get to the beauty parlor for a dye job.

The whole crew.

Action shot.

At the party...Andrew doing an "eyeball in the spoon" race. They also had plastic skeleton gloves that you filled with candy corn and popcorn, a haunted house done by the youth group, some sort of game with fancy straws (I was chasing Michael a lot...didn't get the full idea). Oh...and lots and lots of chili.

Lily and Michael waiting around for us to help clean up and get the room set up for Sunday School the following day.

Don't feel too bad for my kids. On Thursday, the Halloween fairy will make an appearance and do all sorts of fun prep for the big day. Thank heavens.

Michael's 18month stats

Michael steals a piece of pizza off of another child's plate at playgroup after his doctor's appointment. We didn't see it happen, just saw Mikey running around munching on this full size greasy pizza. Yum-yum!

My boy is a growing! Perhaps because he steals food. Whatever.

We had his 18 month well visit today. As always, when I enter the waiting area with all 3 kids in tow, I get the comments..."Wow. You bring all 3 kids with you?" Um, yes. Where else would you suggest that I deposit them? Also? Michael peed all over the floor of the room after he was weighed. Nice. But 2 points for not peeing on me as I carried him naked from the weighing area back to the room.

Anyhoo...Michael is busting out of his percentiles. He is growing like crazy and catching up where his mama's weak breast milk left him behind.



Let's just review what those changes have been, shall we?

9 months (still breastfeeding exclusively with some table food mixed in)...weight: 6th percentile/height 30th percentile

12 months (just starting whole milk)...weight:15th percentile/height: 20th percentile

15 months (we thought this was a huge jump in numbers)...weight:36th percentile/height:26th percentile

And then today he is 26lbs 4oz (56th percentile) and 33 3/4 inches (84th percentile).

Amazing changes in just a little while. It helps that he loves to eat everything from asparagus to tilapia to noodles to dog food to chalk. Not a picky eater. Except for bananas. Hates bananas.

Grow, baby ,GROW.

Movie Day!

A few movies for today...

Lily and Andrew reading Elephant and Piggie...Michael turns on the tv halfway through, but you get the idea. They refused to do it again, because this was already the 3rd take.

Dancing to the Halloween ghost. Michael is DJ-ing and the older two are tripping over the blankets that were their dinosaur nests that day. Have I mentioned we are loving Dinosaur Train?

I am doing fine today, for those concerned that I'm going to regret not going to the doctor. My head is tender, but Jeff can't even feel the bump. My teeth and upper lip are feeling normal and my nose is just a bit sensitive. All good! Except for the embarrassing part. ;)

Next time I'll bring my cell phone

So today was interesting.

This morning we ran errands...to Wal-Mart. Ugh. As we pulled into the driveway, Andrew said, "I thought you hated this store, Mom." And I do. But there are just some things that Wal-Mart has that I can't get other places. Like these particular elastics for Lily's hair. Which they did not have. Ugh again.

After Wal-Mart we decided to go to a park because it was so beautiful out. We picked up a shake (at 10 am!) and headed to a beautiful wooded park that we haven't been to all summer. I don't know why...we just haven't. And they were in the process of dumping new mulch cover all over it. So we drove across town again and ended up at the same park we always go to. We parked close by, so I left everything in the car...my diaper bag, my wallet, cell phone,...everything. We were only going to be there for a half-hour or so.

And we got there and Andrew immediately starts chatting it up with this very young looking grandmother who was there with her 4-ish year old grandson. Really chatting it up. As in, after 5 minutes with Andrew, the only thing she didn't know about our family was our social security numbers. Which I'm sure Andrew would have shared if he knew them. I leave her behind to suffer my son's ceaseless conversation because I'm chasing Michael around. Michael recently discovered that he LOVES slides, but he hasn't mastered the technique of sitting at the top. So every slide is a mini-heart attack for me. Lily was off doing whatever Lily does at the park. Poor middle child.

We were there 5 minutes, maybe 10, when I decided to show Mikey a new "short-cut" to the curly slide that he loves. He usually walks all the way to one end, then teeters and swaggers across the top to the other side with the slide. Heart-attacks, people. But right in the middle is a set of monkey bars, that they have recently added a step to. So that the kids can get down and up instead of this huge 3 1/2 foot drop off for the monkey bars. I pop Mikey up the step, grab onto the side rails and playfully fling myself after him. Except that the step was not put there to help people step up, it is in fact to help children reach the first monkey bar...so that first bar was much closer to my head than I realized.

I hit so hard, I instantly couldn't see anything. I gasped and fell back...I think I couldn't see because the pain was so bad I couldn't open my eyes and they were watering anyway. I peer through my squinted eyes to see Mikey racing up the play area toward the slide of death. I am in so much pain, people. I keep waiting for it to kind of subside, like whacks to the head usually do. Or stubbing your toe. You know how the first few seconds are HORRIFIC, but quickly it subsides to a sharp ache or throb? This just kept going. I put my hands up to my face to try and massage it into submission, and my hands came away covered in blood. COVERED. Dripping down my wrists...

Meanwhile, Michael has reached the top of the slide. I just staggered in the direction of that friendly grandmother and yelled, "Please help me."

She looked down and saw me clutching my bleeding nose and yelped. I asked her to please watch my baby while I figured this out. She ran and got Michael (Andrew followed her to keep talking...no sympathy from my own children). Then she ran over and gave me her grandson's mitten to hold up to my nose. I was starting to be able to hold my eyes open at this point, but they were still so watery and streaming. She asked what happened and should she call 9-1-1. Of course, she didn't know that I am just a clumsy accident prone dolt, so she maybe thought I'd started randomly hemorrhaging out my face.

Anyway, I managed to mumble out an explanation. A few minutes later, the bleeding was down to a trickle. I wasn't even sure what I'd hit...turns out it was the top of my head (I found the bump later). Lily hurt herself and came running for help, when she saw me she ran hysterically to the picnic benches. Another mother at the park came up and handed me a few wet wipes, explaining that I had blood all over my chin and cheeks. Scared my own daughter...nice. Andrew was still unaffected...he could have cared less what was going on...he just wanted to talk about the Phillies to this woman. Nice. Michael of course just wanted to go down the curly slide.

After 30 minutes, I packed the kids up in the car and drove home. I pieced together lunch and got Andrew some lunch. I called Jeff to tell him, and suddenly I LOST it. Sobbing, crying, really really upset. Poor guy. He thought I was on death's door or something...but I'd suppressed all these emotions and then unleashed them on him.

See, it hurt. The blood kind of freaked me out. But mostly? I just kept thinking what if we had been the only people at the park? Often I am there alone with the 3 kids. What if THAT had happened. I was horribly unprepared to injure myself and take care of the 3 kids...I didn't even have my cell phone to call an ambulance if need be.

So what have I learned from today?

1) Hitting your head can result in very odd pains...like my upper teeth hurt and my upper lip feels numb, and my nose is sore, and my neck and shoulders feel like they've had whiplash. And of course the top of my head has a knot on it that hurts!

2) I am going to bring my cell phone with me everywhere. Even if we are just out for 5 minutes. Because what if I twist my ankle or get hit in the head with a satellite? At least Andrew should have a phone to call for help.

3) I should teach Andrew how to use my cell phone. And how to call for help.

4) If I had been born during the stone ages, I would have survived for about 5 minutes. I was beaten today by a stationary metal bar. A Saber-tooth cat would have no challenge catching my sorry a*%.

Smarty

After I wrote about all the cute things that the younger two were doing, Andrew blew me away later this morning. So I thought I'd write it down...you know, so I can document how dumb my other kids are when they get to be almost 6 years old.

Last night Andrew and Lily were watching Dinosaur Train, their new favorite PBS show. They are actually watching it right now as we begin the wind down to school time. Anyhow, Andrew asked Jeff and I why so many dinosaur's names ended in -saurus...like tyrannosaurus, stegosaurus, etc. We explained that sometimes parts of words have meaning, like dinosaur actually means dino-"terrible" and -saurus "lizard". So the -saurus means lizard...which makes sense at the end of those dino names...the first part probably means something in latin also.

Fast forward to this morning.

He out of the blue says, "Mom? I think that -vore means eating or food."
Me: Huh? Vore means what? Do you want oatmeal or cereal?
Andrew: No, -vore, like omnivore or carnivore. I think it means eating or food or something like that. Because all those words have to do with what food an animal eats, and it is the same in all those words.
Me: Great thinking. What do you think the beginning of the words might mean?
Andrew: Um, carn means meat? Herb sounds like cooking stuff (I interject it is a plant). I don't know about omni.
Me: Let's get out the dictionary and see if you are right.

Yesterday, in a totally separate incident, I was showing Andrew my good old-fashioned dictionary. We were looking up a word that we were curious about, and so I was showing him how each entry was set up, and how to find a word. Yah, I know, it's like a 24/7 party house over here. Anyway, this is why we knew to go reference the old dictionary. And we looked up the prefixes and suffixes and he was just about right. All on his own.

Smarty.

Things I need to get on video...

I am making a list of things I would like to record on video for myself. Unfortunately, I am always pulling Michael off of something or it is just too loud from all the wrestling/fighting/screaming/crying to get anything decent recorded. Le-sigh.

In no particular order, here's what I want on tape:

---Lily reading me books. We are back to loving the Elephant and Piggie books, after a brief respite...Lily managed to find the shelf that they are on in the library, and so now we are bringing home a book every week. (and by "we" I mean "Lily"...keep all rope and sharp implements away from me just before bedtime). Andrew really likes to read them all by himself, but Lily protests when just Andrew reads. So we've developed a compromise where he picks a character and then we each read our characters' dialogue (the text is all dialogue). So yesterday, we got a new Elephant and Piggie book and we read through it one time. Andrew went to the bus stop, and Lily got ready for "nap" (she has not actually slept for a nap since turning 3, but she still goes down for one...whatev-). Lily asked me if she could "read" the Piggie role. I said yes. And then was shocked and amazed when she did a great job...with feeling and expression and almost perfect accuracy. After one reading with Andrew. We did check this book out a few months ago and that time we read it about 56 times in one week, so she could still remember it from then. But it was so cute and endearing and amazingly wonderful, that when night-time came, I invited Andrew and Jeff in for our book reading. Andrew read Elephant, Lily read Piggie, and Jeff and I sat there and smiled and snuggled and enjoyed the little play put on by our children. Good times.

---Lily talking like a real, big kid. Sometimes I forget just how old Lily is getting. She is older than Andrew was when we moved here. She is older than Andrew was when she was born. She is becoming a real kid and leaving the baby farther and farther behind (or is it further and further?). Except for the potty thing...boy howdy...definitely NOT going on the potty anytime soon. I digress. Often during the day she will say things or have conversations that jolt me into recognizing that she is growing up. Yesterday I took out her French brain and it made her hair all kinky. I said, "Look, Lily, you have curly hair like Kiely." She ran around with her "curly" hair and showed Jeff and Andrew. Then as we settled down to change into PJ's, she said very seriously, "Mommy, I'm very nervous." "Why are you nervous?" "I'm nervous because my name is L-I-L-Y...not Kiely. I am Liddy, not Kiely." Or when we saw a goldfish at playgroup, and Lily said, "Mom, come look at this fish. It is huge! Gigantic! Humongous!" Or when she has the cutest grown-up discussions with Ryan, the other 3 year old that waits at our bus stop. "Ryan...are you listening to me? Listen to me...can I have that toy now." Ryan says yes. "Thank you, Ryan. That is very nice sharing." Or my favorite...when they were sharing some Cookie Crisp cereal that I brought down for Lily to eat while we waited for the bus.
R-What is that you are eating?
L-They're like little cookies. Do you want to try one?
R-Yes. (pause) Mmmm, that's good.
L-Yup. Do you see my bracelet? I got it for my birt-day.
R- Wow. That's really pretty.

Seriously. They are 3. It is the cutest thing ever.

---Michael blowing his food. I think I mentioned before that Michael is really into noticing hot things. His first encounters with the word hot were when he would approach the hot oven and I would wave him away and yell, "Hot! Hot! No touch...Hot!" So when he started putting it all together, he started waving and yelling "Haw! Haw!" Now he also blows off his food, which really just entails sticking out his lower lip in a big pout and sputtering as he pushes air out. Everything on his tray is "Haw Haw...thpppppppp". This has now extended past meal time, and when we read Good Night Moon, he points at the fireplace and tells me, "Haw! Haw!" and waves it away. But last night he also pulled the book up to his lips and blew out the fire. Have a candle lit? Michael will tell you 1,238 times that it is "Haw! Haw!" as he points frantically at it. Future fire-fighter, maybe?

---Michael and Lily drawing. Lily is really into drawing faces. Really. But in true Lily style, she makes up a whole story to go with these little circles and dots. Yesterday she was telling me, "This is Uncle Chad, he is a GIANT, see this GIANT face? and he is going into the spooky spooky woods and he saw MONSTERS and then the superhero chased them away and Uncle Chad went back to his family." All while looking at a big circle with two dots a squiggle mouth and some scribbles along the outside. Love it...love her imagination. But Michael always wants to do what Lily is doing, so he has climbed up onto a chair and is scribbling on a piece of paper (in between nibbles on that delicious wax) and pointing and gesturing to me to look at his picture too. This is so so cute...until Michael climbs up on the table and starts pointing at Lily's picture, which makes her very territorial and so then she starts screaming and shoving Michael, which makes him cry and flail and almost fall and crack his head on the floor. Moments, people...there are only moments...hence the name of this blog.

---Michael having a fit. Michael is getting quite opinionated and developing quite a temper. I mean...it pales in comparison to his harpie of a sister, but still. He wants to do what the big kids are doing...and if he can't, he throws himself onto the floor and cries. He arches his back and pouts. He also doesn't like to be told no. We were waiting for the bus, and he started walking toward the street after a football we were throwing around. All 3 adults yelled, "No, Michael". He burst into tears, and flopped down onto the cold wet grass. Refused to be comforted...just lay there with wet grass on his face. He falls constantly...off of things...onto things...whatever. And he gets so upset with that object...if he isn't hurt badly enough to need a cuddle, he just flops down and pouts. God, he's cute. Even when he's mad...cute.


Okay, so I feel bad that there isn't anything about Andrew on here. It's not that I don't want to video Andrew. I should get evidence of his talking non-stop about his helmets, or the play by play of this week's football game, or when he pretends to be Christopher Fox of the Rams (not a real player...just his imaginary football character). I should tape him pretending to act like he just woke up when he comes downstairs, even though I've seen his light has been on for an hour (does he think we can't see the light under his door). Or his face when I tell him he can stay up as late as he wants, but he can't come out of his room the next morning until that same time. Bed at 9? You must play in your room until 9 the next morning. It is the only thing so far that has worked to get him to go to bed. Argh.

Ah, speak of the devil. There he is now...jumping? Falling off the bed? What the heck does he play in there in the wee hours of the morning? Should be a great day...I heard Lily up and playing in her bed from 4:30-5:30, Michael cried out 3 times, and now Andrew has been up since 6 and playing in his room. At least they aren't bothering me, right?

I gotta go there...

Okay, so kids are driving me CRAZY with a capital K. No reason, no sickness or bad weather or change in routine. Just constantly wrestling/screaming/getting hurt/chasing/more wrestling. Argh. Oh, and Michael is now climbing up onto the kitchen chairs and onto the table. I've never had a climber, but it is particularly bad because for the last 18 months, if Andrew or Lily want to do something or play with something without Michael interfering, I've always said, "Take it up on the table." Now I don't know what to say. "Sorry, your Barbie shoe should show up in a diaper in 24-48 hours." or "You didn't need the tip to that blue crayon anyway...I hear it's delicious."

Anywhooo, the past 3 days have left me shaking and on edge every evening. It doesn't help that I've cut my caffeine consumption by half...darned heart palpitations. Negative: Children irritate me even more when I'm fighting fatigue and caffeine headache. Positive: Heart doesn't race 20 times a day for no reason. Negative: Even though I won't die of a heart attack now, I just may stick a knife in my ear to cease the constant whining/screaming/crying due to my increased irritability.

So last night I was curled up with a cup of tea and all ready to watch some bad tv. ANTM was on...love it. So wonderfully crappy. Then I had taped a Dr. Phil on stay at home vs. working mothers. I know, I know. Why? Why even bother? I HATE Dr. Phil. He likes to make issues where there aren't any just so he can use one of his catch phrases. He yells for no reason other than to throw in one of his catch phrases. He digresses from the issue at hand to talk about himself. And this particular topic is so polarizing and with no one answer...it was certain to be a train wreck.

But who doesn't like to watch a train wreck every now and again?

Sure enough, he starts off the show by putting the working mothers on one side of the audience and the stay at home mothers on the other side. He talks to them as they sit down. Lots of put together, rational, calm, intelligent working mothers. The first SAHM he seats says, "Well, I AM a working mother...I just work at home." Barf. I think by this point we all know that saying you are a non-working mother doesn't imply that you are sitting around drinking tea and watching trashy tv all day. Wait a minute.

The only SAHM he really talked to was this CRAZY woman who said things like, "If you aren't going to stay at home with your kids, then you shouldn't be a parent." and "Pulling on panty-hose and going to your 'important' job as a secretary means you shouldn't have had kids in the first place." and "My home is calm and dinner is on the table and my kids do their homework because I stay at home." and the kicker..."I don't hire someone else to love my husband, why would I for my children." (!!!) Meanwhile, all through the show the working mothers were politely and rationally saying things like, "We respect your decision and think it is a good one...couldn't you just do the same for us." Way to make US look like the crazy side, Dr. Phil.

I hate her. HATE. She is one of the SAHMothers that makes the world hate and resent SAHM's. She also is one of the ones who makes me feel like I am doing a shitty job...calm house? dinner on the table? I'll bet there are no crumbs on her floor and she makes all their clothes too. HATE. She is the type that makes it mandatory for people who hear what we do to blink big blinks and pander to us and say, "Wow...hardest job in the world." (my pet peeve.)

For the record...I hate that there are 2 labels...SAHM and working. Because my situation is so very different than other SAHMoms. And one working parent's story is so different from another. Some working mothers work 9-5 jobs and have a husband with flexible hours and copious vacations days to use as they wish. Others travel for work or have a husband that works out of town much of the time or have a mother in town to help or don't have any family at all around to help or have a kid with autism or 2 kids under 3 years old or 3 easy peasy good sleepers or...you get the idea. Same with mothers who stay at home all day. Some have family support systems that enable them to go to the dentist, some have husbands who don't get home until 9 every night, some have great talents for baking or crafting, some love bargain shopping to save money, some just don't shop to save money, etc etc.

Why we think that we can just make generalizing statements is beyond me. Every job, every decision has perks and downsides. I get the perk that when it is a sunny, lovely day, I can take my kids to the park in the middle of the day. I get the downside that when I am running a fever and barfing in the toilet, there is no where to send the kids so I get a sick day. I get the perk that when my kids are barfing on the carpet (they never make the toilet), I don't have to worry about getting coverage at my job and think of the work piling up and waiting for me. I have the downside of being completely financially dependent on someone else. Etc. etc. etc.

So, basically, the Dr. Phil show once again got me all fired up. For making it seem like all stay at home mothers judge all working mothers. I think it is totally normal to envy the "other side". When you have a job, you totally wish for some of the perks of other jobs. If you work in retail, you wish you had a bank job so you'd get the weekends and holidays off. And if you work the bank job, perhaps you wish you worked retail so you could get a discount and not have to crunch numbers all day long. Normal. I guess the difference with this is that working mothers are ALSO stay at home mothers. All the stuff I have to do, they do too...laundry, sick kids, grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, etc. What I SHOULD come away from that show is that...I shouldn't watch that show. I hate Dr. Phil...I shouldn't be tempted to tune in...ever.

Ah, another rambling post. Tomorrow...which child I decided to bury in the backyard! Because we have nothing to do this morning, so it is almost certain that one of them will be there.

Projects...again...sigh

Okay, so morning projects still abound. That is being really really generous to myself, because I still SUCK at projects. I hate to say it, but 10 times out of 10 I would choose to read books to the kids, or turn on the tv, or even play a pretend game. But in the interest of broadening horizons (read: kill time), we are trying to branch out into an occasional craft or project. Ugh.

Last week we took an old pizza box and made our own board game. Colossal fail. 5 year olds are not capable of making up rules to a game. Next time, I'm going to see if they have printable board games on-line that I can tape into our pizza box. Ugh.

Also last week, we had a really good time making a chart of the colors in a bag of Skittles. I got mucho "cool mom" points for making the project about candy. ;) He dumped out a bag of Skittles, we made a graph with a piece of graph paper, and then we ate the Skittles. Notes for next time...make Andrew write the words on the graph. He needs so much practice with his writing, and I always forget to make him do that part. Duh.


Lily got a bag of M&Ms. Her graph was a little less...mathematical...and pretty much more like faces. I have no pictures of Michael...I was bribing him away from the graphers with his first taste of M&Ms. He was our product tester. He gave it two chocolaty messy thumbs up!


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Our house is woefully undecorated for Halloween. Halloween...I'm just not that into you. But today we made paper plate spiders. Hate. The instructions said to color the plates with marker. Fail...markers don't cover the plate before drying out. It said to color the back side of the plate so it will hang correctly. Fail. Try convincing children to color on the back. Crinkle the legs...Fail. Andrew got frustrated that he couldn't do the folds evenly. This child is so destined to fail out of school once he gets to something that doesn't come naturally. I should have done a sample before, so they could see the final result. Here it was...
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Lily making a pink spider. Which she ended up just making faces on anyway.

Andrew trying to fold his legs...just after this shot, he ripped it in frustration and threw it on the floor. Ahhhh, crafting fun!


Andrew decided to curl his legs instead. And he was so proud of himself that I got to hear this "Mom, isn't it cool that even though I couldn't fold it I thought of a different way to do it. Don't you think this is a great way to do it? Don't you think the curling looks really great? Even though I couldn't fold it, I found another way to do it." Repeat 1,245 times. Crafts are fun!

Michael was originally stationed with a bagel in his chair. That was NOT satisfactory. So then I gave him a marker and a piece of paper in his chair. Soon he was eating the blue and coloring all over his chair. I let him down and cleaned him up (washing hands is AWESOME), and then he was climbing on the table, grabbing the loose spider legs, and making Lily scream as he reached for her plate. Crafts are fun.

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Eventually I discovered that he was perfectly content taking the markers in and out of the marker tower. No mess. Content baby. Live and learn. Unfortunately he was so content that I left him like this while playing dinosaurs with the older two (actually I am STILL playing dinosaurs...just calling out directions while I type...don't be jealous...we all have talents). As I was saying, I left him and he fell off the chair. Ouch. Crafting is fun!

The end results were satisfying for the kids, though. Here is Andrew being attacked by our spiders.

Lily wanted a shot with her spider as well. Looks like she needs more exposure to nature if she thinks that is a spider ;)

She also wanted to do a scared face like Andrew did. Looks like we need more exposure to scary things as well. I think they could both be accomplished with a trip to the insect house of Philadelphia. ;)

Anyone else have fun things they've done this fall? Anything with pine cones? There are thousands of beautiful ones by our bus stop.

Alternate reality

This weekend was a chance for Jeff and I to experience an alternate reality of our current life. He took Andrew and flew to Ohio to enjoy the OSU vs. Wisconsin game. Also known as "Andrew-nirvana". I stayed here with the 2 younger children.

Let's review...Jeff...single parent of our almost 6 year old with his two parents to help him and an exciting and fun event to go to. Me...single parent of a 1 and 3 year old at home alone and nothing planned.

But it really wasn't too bad. Really. 2 kids that are healthy and sleep well really aren't hard. Even when they help with the laundry.

And occasionally have fits when you won't let them "help".

No, I was really expecting Lily to have a difficult time without her constant playmate around. And I was really worried about taking them into public without my helper along to keep an eye on the wanderers.

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But Lily never asked for Andrew. She quietly played by herself most of the weekend. I don't think she screamed once. She just reveled in her alone time. And I was able to hang out with Michael and keep him away from her. We went to baby-ish parks and play areas that Andrew whines and acts bored at. We went to the mall and walked as slow as we could and rode the baby rides in the center aisles. We went to the library and checked out only board books and princess books. We watched all the girl movies we could get our hands on.

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We had a great time. And it was easy and fun and I loved that they took naps and I had the afternoons to myself and there was no wrestling Good God I didn't miss the wrestling.

I mean, I missed Andrew. Kind of. But it was so EASY to have 2.

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And Jeff, meanwhile was entertaining the football crazed maniac with his parents in tow.
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Andrew showing off his game day outfit and holding up his tickets...

Showing us his fierce football pose.

Andrew's tender tooshie didn't like the bleachers...so the adults got to share the joys of holding a 51 pound child on their laps...while sitting on those same "comfy" bleachers. But isn't he cute all cuddled up with his Grandpa, reading the program?

My favorite of favorite shots...

After they got back home, and Andrew was tucked back into his own bed, Jeff told me that his weekend was so easy...so easy that he dreamed all weekend of how easy life would be if we had just stopped after having Andrew.

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And then I told him all the cute and endearing things his two youngest did, and how really 2 is very easy also.

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So I think that our solution is simple. We need to borrow someone's kid for a month or so. You know, take our numbers up to 4 children. Live like THAT for a while, and then send the 4th kid home. And then 3 will seem really really easy. BAM...perspective.

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Any takers? Anybody with a child they could spare for a month or so? What's that...do I hear someone screaming yes in Columbus?

3 years

How has it been 3 years already? It feels like I've known this little girl for my entire lifetime...or at least half.

Lillian Jeannette. My girl. My most traumatic birth story. My most difficult baby and toddler (so far). My singer. My pretend play master. Miss Independent with a mommy-girl streak in her. The only baby to say Ma-Ma before Da-Da (that's right...I remember...and I'm keeping score). Miss Opinionated. Stubborn. Dramatic. Hilarious. Endearing. Ticklish. Oh so ticklish. Tough. Occasionally cuddly.

My Lily. How I was terrified of having a girl. How I thought that I would be a terrible mother to a girl. But, of course, you are MY girl after all. You don't care about clothes or dressing up. Although you are the first to compliment someone else on their outfit. You love dolls and playing house, and pink is your very favorite color, but you also like to pick up bugs and wrestle and fart. And talk about your bootie. But I really blame Andrew for some of those things, not myself. We love to do things together, "Just the girls", but we so rarely get time to do it. I love snuggling with you at bedtime and reading books with you and being Daisy to your Minnie. I love watching you color your faces (her latest thing) and make your Cheerios talk to each other and listening to the long stories you make up (the latest is the spooooky woods story). I love your invented songs and your sweet compliments towards others and how you stick up for yourself and when you show me your moves.

You are so different than your brothers. So far you are the most challenging, but I welcome that challenge. You have only been here for 3 years, but you have such a big chunk of my heart all to yourself. I love you and can't wait to see all that you do this next year....there will be battles fought and new skills learned, new independence tested and experiments tried. And I hope we survive it, you and me. Nah, I KNOW we will.

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Three!