Human popcorn popper

Today Michael stuck a popcorn kernel into his right nostril.

I can't really think of a witty and clever way to start this story. So that's how we'll begin.

The speech teacher had just left our house and I was needing to make a few phone calls and finish up the breakfast dishes in the hour before it was time to pick up Lily from pre-school. I popped a mini-bag of popcorn and planted Mike in front of the tv.

I hung up the phone from calling the other speech services people and Mike came running up with his empty bowl. He said, "I ha bee my no. Geh my ou?" It is times like this I wish I could wave a magic wand and cure his speech problems. Eventually I figured out that he was pointing to his nose while saying this. And translated it into "I have a bean in my nose. Can you get it out?"

The answer was, of course, no. I could easily see the popcorn kernel (not a bean like he insisted). But I couldn't grab it with tweezers. And I couldn't get around it to pop it out with a Q-tip. So I called the doctor's office. Set up an appointment. Called a friend to see if she could pick up Lily from school. Grabbed some peanut butter crackers and an apple to feed Michael on the way. He was not in pain...just uncomfortable. And irritated as heck that I kept interrupting his furious nose picking (he wanted it OUT!).

We were at the pediatrician's for 30 minutes. At one point we had a nurse and myself holding him down while one doctor held open his nostril and the other stuck long tweezers up his nose. They tried sticking pepper up his nose to make him sneeze. They stuck an oxygen pumper things over his mouth and tried to blow air out the nostril while holding the other shut. They tried this little scoopy thing that had a long handle. They could not get it out. Michael was screaming so loudly that he broke blood vessels in his cheeks and neck. It was kind of unspeakably horrible. I have so much empathy for parents of children with chronic illnesses. It was hard to submit him to pain and fear and stress for the good of his health.

My doctor got Michael an appointment at the ENT for 2:15. It was 12:30 at this time. I called my friend and arranged to pick Lily up. She insisted on keeping Lily until this whole thing was settled. God bless her. Lily would have been traumatized.

Mike took a 40 minute nap and then I dragged him out of bed and took him to the ENT. He charmed the entire waiting area...one lady was even making tunnels out of her folders for him to drive his trains through.

We were called back to the room and the doctor quickly looked up Mike's nose. Michael immediately started fighting because he was still so upset by the morning doctor wrestling. I held his legs tight between mine and kind of straight-jacketed his arms with mine. I pinned his head against my shoulders. The doctor sprayed some anesthetic and then some decongestant. Then he suctioned out Michael's nose. Michael is screaming and thrashing through this whole thing. It took all my strength to restrain him. A nurse came in (how did she know to come it, I wonder?) and helped by basically laying across Mike and me. With a long spike, the doctor managed to spear the kernel and pull it out.

We had another slight struggle as the doctor peeked in to make sure there was only one kernel stuck inside. Mike went with the nurse to get a sucker...he was all smiles when he came back. She gave him 2 stickers and a sucker and all was forgotten.

The kernel was slightly popping open. Apparently it was cracked and the moisture and heat from Michael's nose was causing it to expand. We were just that close to needing surgery and general anesthetic to get this thing out.

It was a trying day, to say the least. Thank heavens for friends willing to take Lily. Thank heavens for an easy going agreeable boy. Thank heavens for wine and take out...because that's all I'm up for tonight. ;P