No expectations

I am having a hard time. A hard time not comparing my 2 children. I find myself constantly thinking of when Andrew did this, and when did Andrew do that, and oh dear, Lily is better at this. I am officially forbidden from watching the DVD of Andrew at 6 months...it convinced me that Lily has a speech impediment. But parenting your second child is a whole new dilemma. I've come up with an analogy to help explain it to those of my readers with only one child.

See, parenting your first born is like being parachuted into New York City with no maps, no sign posts, no tour guides, and only vague advise from other people who have visited Paris and Rome (cities that are not quite the same as New York City). You are dropped into the city and expected to find nourishment, sites of interest, how to travel through the city. You slowly learn where the best spots to eat are, you maneuver the subway system, and find out what clothes to wear when you walk out the door. After a little while...you have mastered New York City. And you make a little map and guidebook to help you with it. You're feeling good.

Along comes your second born. It is like being parachuted into Los Angeles...and all you have is your map and guidebook for New York City. You feel so accomplished at conquering NYC...surely this guidebook and map will help with Los Angeles. And it is true...to an extent. You have experience making the map and guidebook. But that's it. Even though logic tells you otherwise, you frantically cling to that NYC guidebook and map. You find yourself desperately looking for that subway, but all you find is gridlock traffic. You dress for winter slush only to find sunshine year round. And your map is worthless...the streets have different names and are laid out in a completely different way.

Both cities are wonderful in their own way. Both have positives and negatives. But it is virtually impossible to compare them. It's really not fair to. You just have to enjoy them for their uniqueness. And truly...traveling would be no fun at all if all cities were the same. The adventure is in the discovery.

That is having a second child. Does it matter if Lily rolls over at the same time as Andrew? Do I really want her to meet all her milestones at the same time as him, have the same temperament, do all the same funny things. No. Never. Of course not. Lily is delightfully different, and I love her that much more because of her uniqueness. I didn't have another child to have another Andrew. I wanted someone new...another challenge...another incredible human being to love and get to know.

So I'm sorry Lily. I'm trying my hardest to throw out that Andrew guidebook. I really can't wait to write yours...from scratch.