Day 2: God bless the sling

Day 2 where children outnumber adults 3 to 1.

And it's been a decent day! HOORAY!

What a difference when the baby doesn't cry all morning and into the afternoon. Seriously, I'd forgotten how that just frays your nerves so that you are unable to cope with ANYTHING else. And I actually remembered to use my sling...and Michael was happily snuggled up against me while I had 2 free hands to do things like...oh, you know...eat! Duh...use the tools that you have.

I had nothing planned today, so I e-mailed my playgroup and begged for someone to come and play...just to make the day pass more quickly. 2 moms and their kiddos decided to take me up on it (read: take pity on me) and came over around 10:30. I managed to clean up the kitchen, but the toy situation was a bit overwhelming. So I just left it. And the kids had fun anyway. I fixed lunch for the crew and they were all on their way around 1:00. And the day is more than half over at that point. Woo-hoo.

Anyway, better day today. I'm sure there will be more days like Day 1 ahead of me, but at least now I know that they won't ALL be like that. Which I knew in the rational part of my brain. Just not in the emotional part that spews panic and despair in this blog. ;)

Day 1: Afternoon edition

Okay, just so you know that I didn't go bury my children in the backyard...

Our afternoon went better. Just after typing my psycho post earlier, Michael FINALLY fell asleep. And...get this...at the same time as Lily. So I got to eat lunch, play a game with Andrew, and get my 4 baskets of laundry folded.

-sigh-

So I didn't even have to wait for Day 2 for things to get better.

And I REALLY like the advice of chanting, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." I'm sure it will be the title of a future post.

I know I'm a wuss, and lots of you are out their rolling your eyes thinking, "Well, what did you THINK it would be like, you idiot. You got yourself into this mess." But I WILL get better. More sleep will certainly help with the coping. Again, knew this was part of the deal...

But it's my party, and I'll cry if I want to!

Oh, and my super-D-duper Jeff will be home tomorrow. He took his 5 vacation days and waited to use them until the grandmothers went home. Also, instead of taking an entire week off to be home with me and the kids, he is taking 5 consecutive Tues/Thursdays. So I'll only be at home alone with them every OTHER day for the next 2 1/2 weeks. Isn't that just brilliant? I married a smarty, I tell you. ;)

So on to brighter tomorrows! Thanks for the kind thoughts...and thanks for not sharing the not-so-kind thoughts!

Day 1

Day 1 outnumbered 3 to 1.

Made it to gym class. Barely.

All 3 kids up at 6 am.

Mommy slept 4 non-consecutive hours last night.

Baby hasn't stopped crying. All. Morning.

Kids have watched 3 hours of tv already today.

Baby is screaming. Not satisfied after nursing.

Feeding him hurts like HELL.

It is almost 2 pm and I haven't had lunch yet.

Why bother? Oh, yes. I am nursing. Gotta eat.

Baby WON'T STOP CRYING.

Andrew keeps asking me to play a game with him. Feel so terrible...I'm frazzled from all the crying and just keep yelling.

And How. Pathetic. Am. I. People have 3 kids all the time. People have kids closer together than my 3. People have a dozen children. This isn't that bad.

Day 2 WILL be better. Right?

Honeymoons

After people get married, they usually take a honeymoon...if they're lucky. And this honeymoon is a bit of a suspension of reality. You are in a beautiful locale, not working, having lots of sex, spending literally days talking and getting to know each other, no dishes, no dirty laundry...great stuff. Then you get home and you are tired and have issues with each other and basically spend the first year learning how to live together.

I feel there is something similar that happens after a baby is born. Not the sex. Or the lack of dirty laundry. But the suspension of reality.

And Michael's honeymoon is officially over.

-sigh-

He was sleeping well, eating well, and generally laid back and happy (sleeping) most of the time. Now he fusses more, wants to be held most of the time, wants to be up all night, he eats like crap during the night, and his latch has all fallen to pieces...which makes Mommy's udders hurt like HELL.

Lucky for Michael, he catches up on all his sleep during the day. Unlucky for Mommy, she has 2 other children who are actually diurnal as opposed to nocturnal.

But 4-5 non-consecutive hours are plenty of sleep for a mommy of 3, right? Sleep is overrated, right? And isn't this what TV was invented for?

Now I'm off to try and wake my infant as he tries to stretch out his feedings during the day. Every 2 hours when the sun is down and every 4 hours when the sun is up just doesn't fly. I don't care if he's only 14 days old. Let's remember that "every 2 hours" counts from the start of one feeding to the start of the next. So if each feeding takes 45 minutes (including diaper changes, etc)...you get the idea.

-sigh-

I knew this...it isn't a surprise. It's just going to take awhile to adjust to living together, Michael and I.

Changing of the guard

My mom is leaving this afternoon to go back to Ohio. I'm sure she is exhausted...it is very different to come help when it is your daughter's first child compared to her third. Especially when #2 is Lily. ;)

And as my mom is leaving, my mother-in-law is arriving. -sigh- We are so very lucky to have all these people to help us. So begins the last week that I can milk help for all it's worth.

And the pessimist in me says one week until the colic begins, the rain storms that won't go away begin, etc etc. Why do I feel like Michael is being an angel baby only until I am home alone with all 3?

So thank you Mom! You've made the transition so much easier. I only ask...who will do my dishes now? And cook? And do the laundry? Who, I ask?

The whole crew

Here are some group shots. Seriously, with each addition to the little people in this house it gets more and more impossible to take a picture. We CANNOT get Lily to be in a picture with Michael. Just won't happen. I'm sure it will only get better once Michael starts moving. So in order to get Lily in a shot with the boys, you get to see the "run-over-by-a-truck" me in the shots. Joy. And I still have HELP, people. I cannot even imagine the physical deterioration once the grandparents leave the vicinity. Shower? What's that? Eat breakfast? Huh? I honestly don't see how I'll even leave the house until Lily gets to be 2. Ugh. I know it will happen eventually, but I think there is going to be a REALLY long learning curve.

So tell me, HOW exactly do people do this? And WHY do people intentionally have children this close together? Seriously, what magical powers do you possess that I do not? Because I haven't figured out how to watch Lily EVERY SECOND while we're out of the house (because she's still a baby) when I have another baby to tend to and keep quiet. -sigh- Maybe I need to go back to work. Then the children would be guaranteed to leave the house each day. And someone else could teach me how to take care of them all.

Ohhhh, this is turning quite whiny. And, I'm telling you, I STILL HAVE FULL TIME HELP! Just imagine the pathetic posts to come. Oh, you doubt that I'll still have time to blog? Trust me, this is theraputic. Much higher priority than, say, washing the kitchen floor (will that ever happen again?) or bathing the children (Michael is 7 days old and has had ONE sponge bath. Can you say 'grease-monkey'?)

No. No more whine. Wait. I can drink wine now, right? SAH-WEET! I think I'm going to need it in 10 days. (10 days=how long until I have to pretend to parent 3 children by myself)

Go. Enjoy the group photos. I'll post more whining later. No, don't be disappointed. I promise I'll be back and whining soon.

My Andrew

Finally, an entry about the boy who started this whole ballgame. My Andrew. My wonderful, mischievous, sweet, considerate, annoying Andrew. He has fallen head-over-heels in love with his little brother. He always wants to hold him, touch him, talk to him. He is reacting quite well to the transition...I figure this time seems easy since we aren't even moving to another state. JUST a new sibling? No change in school, home, environment also? Piece of cake. The only annoying this is he breaks into this baby voice. "Me want go-gurt?" "Me sad." Arghhhh. But this is slowly fading away.

So here are some funny Andrew stories from the last week:

"Not on my watch!" My mother was holding Michael when he started to choke. My mom says, "Oh, no. You're not going to choke on my watch, Mister. Your mother won't let me hold you." Andrew very earnestly glances over and says, "The baby choked on your watch??? Were you holding it in his mouth???"

"We need a feeder!" Andrew has decided that my official title is "feeder". As in, "Michael only has one feeder in the house." So if the baby starts to cry (which is very infrequently at this point), he starts yelling through the house, "We need a feeder! Somebody find the feeder!" As a mother nursing every 2-3 hours, nothing makes you feel more like cattle than that call to action.

8 inches Andrew frequently follows me upstairs when I feed Michael. I feed Michael upstairs because latching on is still a bit...um...uncomfortable, and I don't need an 18 month old to juggle at the same time. Andrew LOVES to watch Michael eat. Michael's eyes are often open and Andrew likes to talk to him. Andrew was quietly resting on his dad's pillow across the king side bed and he asked me if Michael could see him. I told him that Michael probably couldn't because he can only see about 8 inches away right now. Andrew runs downstairs and reappears a few moments later with a ruler. We then carefully measured 8 inches from Michael's head and Andrew rearranges the pillows so the baby can see him. Cute, eh?

Protection from predators Okay, so this is unrelated to baby cuteness. Today Andrew farted in the family room. Not an unusual occurrence. But my mom soon smells it (Andrew has HORRIBLE farts...worse than a dog's) and makes a disgusted exclamation. Andrew explains quite seriously, "Memere, my farts stink to protect me from predators. They smell me and decide that they don't want to eat me." I asked him what particular predator was in the room that he was worried about. "I need to practice Mommy."

My Lily

Lily will never cease to amaze me. She is 18 months old. A baby herself. I never talked to her about having a baby brother. She tickled my big belly, but we never tried to explain it to her. She is a baby. She has no concept. We didn't bring her to the hospital because, again, she has no idea that a baby is coming and we thought the separation from Mommy would be made more difficult. My expectations for Michael's homecoming were that Lily would be upset I had been gone and, Oh, yea, that's a baby over there, and then on to life according to Lily.

But instead we have a super cute video of Lily running to the car seat saying, "Hi! Hi, baby." She brings him toys. She is OBSESSED with his hands...all she wants to do is touch them and pull on them (this is not so cute). She is upset that people are holding the baby, but she alternates between being really cute and really mad about him. Ultimately she has the attention span of a...well, of an 18 month old.

I feel totally unprepared for parenting her with an infant in tow. I honestly have NO idea how to do it. And, being the person that I am, this is driving me crazy. I need to be in control of the situation. NOW. She is still watching too much tv. I have NO alone time with her, since Andrew never naps and is awake longer than her. This frustrates me. Because I enjoy her so much. She is just a little ray of sunshine in this house.

So enjoy these pictures of my Lily. I'm hoping that things just fall into place and she doesn't get shoved to the periphery too much. But, then, if you've ever met my Lily, you'd know that it would be impossible for her to melt into the background. :)

My Michael

Oh, my Michael. For 9 months, I fretted and worried and stressed and dreaded. It is too early to have another baby. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I don't WANT another baby.

And then you came.



Oh. How I have fallen in love. And all those fears don't seem so scary anymore. It doesn't matter how hard it is going to be. How tired we all will be. How I will go grocery shopping or to the park or even in the bath at night. Because it's you. You, with all your little squeaks and whispers and sighs. The wrinkles in your forehead. Those scrawny bird legs. For whatever reason, it is YOU that I needed and wanted...and didn't even know it. I don't expect to be GOOD at having children this close together. But now I know that at the very least, you will be very very much loved.

We didn't even remember to bring a camera to the hospital, Michael. So we have no pictures of you on Mommy's chest or on the scale or in Daddy's arms for the first time. But I promise you, it is a memory I won't forget. This baby I thought I didn't want...rocketed into the world...put right onto my belly...and oh. How amazing you were. Soft and warm and quiet. Such a peaceful baby right from the beginning. I spoke to you and you stopped crying and turned your head right towards me...which I didn't want, because you were kind of blue, and you needed to cry more. Immediately I fell in love. It doesn't happen that way for some women...I feel so fortunate that I did. Because all that apprehension melted away. Nothing else matters, except that I love you.

I don't know what kind of baby you will be. Or what kind of person. The benefit of being the 3rd child is that I have no expectations. You are a fabulous baby...today. Perhaps by next week you will be a screaming demon. It doesn't matter today. I'm enjoying you. You are an incredibly good eater...FINALLY! I get a baby with a clue when it comes to nursing! You are just starting to have longer awake periods...and I love to look at your squinty little eyes.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, your Daddy has it pretty bad too. He has also spent the last 9 months in worry and wonder about how we will do it. But when he holds you now, it is undeniable. You have already wrapped yourself tight around his big Daddy finger. No worries...we are all so glad you have joined the family.

So welcome, my Michael. I'm sorry this blog is so full of my doubt and fears in you joining us. I already can't imagine life without you.

Are we ready for the induction tomorrow morning?

...Oh wait. Little Michael decided to once again do things on his own terms and surprise us. I should have guessed it, the way he defied those birth control percentages and all. He doesn't listen to OUR plans.

I promise I'll write more later about Andrew and Lily's reaction to Michael later. Here is the birth story timeline, as promised by Jeff.

April 9:

8:15 am: I have a midwife appointment. I am still only dilated 1cm, but my cervix is quite soft, so the midwife is willing to induce me at the end of the week. My induction is scheduled for 6:15 am Friday April 11th. She also stripped my membranes again...but this time it didn't hurt a bit.

8:45 am: I call everyone I know to tell how excited I am that this baby is coming out Friday! Okay, not everyone, but all the people who are coming to help take care of said baby.

9:15am - 5:00pm: Take Andrew to school, go to grocery, put away groceries, pick up Andrew at school, eat lunch, go to park with the kids, come home and make dinner.

5:30pm: While eating dinner notice that my Braxton Hicks are turning a bit painful. Jeff leaves for fencing class and my mom gets the kids ready for a bath.

6:30pm: While Lily is bathing, I put a robe in a bag. The extent of my packing. Put Lily to bed while Andrew takes bath with Memere's help.

7:30pm: Read Andrew books, but let Memere tuck him into bed. These contractions are getting ouchie.

7:30-9:00 pm: Sit and chat with Mom. Have LOTS of contractions, none of which are too painful (I'm still talking through them) and seem too short and irregular to be of any significance.

9:00pm: Post this blog entry, in which I make fun of my mother thinking I'm in labor (who's laughing now?)

9:30 pm: Try to go to bed. Contractions too painful to sleep with. I notice the clock when they start, 9:34...then 9:44...then 9:54. Oops. These are looking regular.

10:00 pm: Jeff gets home from fencing to find me sitting in the recliner wincing through contractions. He goes upstairs to get dressed. I scoff and tell him I don't think they're lasting long enough.

10:00-11:00: They ARE lasting long enough. Turns out they'd been lasting 60-90 seconds each...I just didn't notice because I was working through them. I can no longer talk through them. We decide to call the midwife. Reluctantly. I didn't want to over react, drive all the way to Jersey, and then get sent home.

11:30 pm: Midwife calls me back and tells me just to go ahead in. Mostly based on how fast Lily's labor went once I got to 3 cm.

12:19 am: After one of the longest drives of my life, we arrive at the hospital in the 'hood. Parking ticket stamped "12:19"

12:40 am: Get into a gown and begin discussion with midwife and nurse. Goes like this, "What is your social?" "I want an epidural." "How many centimeters were you at the last doctor's appointment?" "I want an epidural." Every response was the same. Go figure. I really really want an epidural.

12:50 am: Midwife explains that before I can get an epidural, I will need some bloodwork, an IV, etc. She is pretty sure I'm actually in labor, based on my performance during each contraction. As she goes to check me, I am praying that I am at least 3 cm so they won't send me home.

12:51 am: The midwife chuckles and says, "Giselle. You are 9 cm...and I can stretch you easily to 10. It's time to start pushing. Bear down if you get the urge."

12:52 am: There is a loud cracking sound as Giselle's jaw drops to the floor.

12:53 am: I begin asking anyone with a pulse if they will please give me an epidural before I have to push. Everyone says no.

12:53-1:18 am: There is much screaming and grunting and pleading and bargaining. There is a huge ring of fire, but amazingly little tearing.

1:19 am: Michael Paul slides into this world and immediately steals a huge piece of my heart and soul.

So there. After it was over, the midwife declared it a "Pioneer birth", because I didn't even have time to get an IV. So no covered wagons, folks. Just squatting in the fields and back to work!

More on my amazing baby later. I must go admire him while there are no other little people around.

First Baby Pics!

Hey, it's Jeff again. Here are a couple of photos from this morning when repeat Big Brother Andrew got to meet his newest sibling for the first time.

He's Here!!!

Hey all! This is Jeff. Giselle asked me to post on her blog (if I can figure out how this works).

Michael Paul was born at 1:19am this morning. He weighed in at 8 lbs 4 oz. and was 22" long. Mom and baby are both doing great, and everyone is very tired.

I'll let Giselle tell you all about her "pioneer" birth experience when she gets home in a couple of days (you know how she lives to tell birth stories)

Care to take a guess?

Okay, so D-Day is quickly approaching...got any guesses on the name? My family has apparently all taken their pick, so what do you think?

A review of the rules:

No 2 syllable name ending in "n"...with our last name it sounds like the Swedish Chef from the Muppets

No names that end in "s" or "x"...blend with our last name so you can't tell where one name ends and the next starts

No family names, first cousin or closer...which won't really come into your guesses unless you are from our families, because you won't know what our family names are

No names that rhyme with my other kids' names...-sigh- which rules out my favorite boy's name, William

Okay? Some current guesses are:

Dad and sister Kate-Matthew
Mom and sister Andrea-Michael
My friend Elizabeth- Daniel
My friend Sharon- Jack
My friend Stacy- Thomas

My family is split down the middle. What do you think?

I must go have a few more contractions now. My mother is so fun to mess with...every time I have a contraction (which I've been having for weeks now), she gets nervous and asks if she should tear up some sheets and boil water. Ha ha ha. How mean to be cruel to the woman who is helping me so much.

Eviction notice posted

Baby has 3 days to leave the facility.

Baby will be escorted out of the premises Friday morning.

We will resort to force if necessary.

You have been notified.

Too big

You know you are almost 10 months pregnant when you can't fit in the booth at a restaurant. And have to ask for another table after you try and sit down. And the people around you are chuckling because it looks so funny to see you try and squeeze in.

Seriously.

No baby...

...you freakin' psychos. Are you aware that I'm only 39 weeks? That I've NEVER had a baby early? You really are getting way too excited way too early.

BUT, my mommy arrived last night, so I'm now relaxed about what to do with the other children should baby boy decide to come early. But I've also been staying up late at night thinking random things like, "How will I get Andrew into sports class? Lily can't listen well enough to let her walk across the parking lot, but I'm way to weak to carry her and the baby carrier at the same time. Why didn't I lift weights this pregnancy? What was I thinking? Do I have enough time to do it now? Do they still make 'Arms of Steel'? Oh, remember doing 'Buns of Steel' with Katie and Moira sophomore year and cursing the insane man making my ass hurt. I wonder how Katie is doing..."

And on and on and on. Because who needs sleep, right?

Sunday

Still pregnant.

But we just had a good chuckle as Andrew tried out his new whoopie cushion on Jeff (it was a party favor from yesterday's birthday party). Andrew was determined to trick his dad...but he's 4. So sleuth is not one of his strong points. Andrew and I were playing a board game while Jeff read the paper. And it went something like this...

Andrew (in a hushed whisper): Mom! We should try to trick Dad.
Me: But Dad is sitting on the couch. We need to set it up before he sits down to eat in the kitchen.
A: "Dad! Will you come read the paper in the kitchen?"
Jeff (who has heard all the "hushed" whispering): "Okay." Jeff gets up and sits in the kitchen.
A: "No! Not yet. Just get up and wait a minute."
J: "Do I need to go in another room?"
A: "Yes. Mom, quick blow this up."
One second later, A: "Okay, Dad, you can come sit down."
Jeff sits and the teeny tiny whoopie cushion lets out a little toot. Uncontrollable laughter from our 4 year old ensues. Which just makes Jeff and I crack up. Which only encourages him for later, I'm sure.


And in Lily stories...she is absolutely the silliest, cutest thing you ever could see. When we go to leave the house, we have a whole routine that we go through. She LOVES to put Shadow in her box. I say, "In your box!" and Shadow and Lily go running to the kennel. Lily says, "Teet" (treat). Then we shut the door for Shadow. Then Lily runs over the counter and says, "Kee" (keys). Once I find them, she says, "Tha ees!" (there it is!). Then she is running to the door saying "Oat" (coat). We put on her coat, and load her in the car, where she says over and over "Bee Bee Yah" because she loves the Elmo CD in the car where Elmo sings Beep beep, yah!, and she wants to listen to it for the 100th time.

The same thing happens every time. And I'm still so in love with it. How cute is she?

Other new favorite things she is saying..."Wha Da?" as in "What's that?" She just started using possessives, so she'll pick up Jeff's shoe and bring it to him saying, "Daddy shoe" or pick up my paperback book, bring it to me and say, "Mommy book." Not that we needed them, I think she's just proud that she knows whose is whose.

Love her love her love her.

Saturday

Still here.

Still pregnant.

Update

Oh, there's no update. I am officially in the part of pregnancy where NO word from me surely means that I have had the baby and have smuggled him back home and am selfishly not sharing the news with anyone. My friends (who have had children, so should know better) send me e-mails asking if I've had the baby yet, as if expecting me to respond with, "Oh, yes, last Thursday. I was going to make the announcement in May." My mother interprets everything I feel as proof that labor is immanent. I'm tired and lazy today? Labor must be around the corner. Feeling energetic and productive? Yup, labor is just around the corner.

Well, technically it is. But I'm still in denial a bit about that. Still haven't packed a hospital bag. Still haven't written out instructions for my children for the vagrant that we drag in our to watch our children while we dash to the hospital. STILL haven't washed A SINGLE BABY ITEM. But I did wash the floorboard of my staircase yesterday. Because you just can't bring a baby home with dust on the floor! Even if the dust bunnies in the rest of the house are so large they are learning to read.

I'll try to post every day, just to prove that I am STILL pregnant. Problem is, sitting in this chair makes my damn back hurt. And, really, who wants a post from a grouchy pregnant lady every day anyway? And don't worry. Jeff is under STRICT instructions to post information about the birth of Baby Boy the moment he gets home from the hospital.

The end of romance

We knew it was coming. Your kids can't stay oblivious babies forever.

At 6:00 this morning I jumped in the shower with Jeff. Andrew isn't allowed to come out of his room until 6:30, so we were totally safe.

Of course, no rule is set in stone, and since Andrew apparently only listens to his grandparents in regards to staying in his room, about 6:15 Andrew walked into our bathroom and starts talking to Jeff through the shower door. (My body says it has all the energy it needs and I can get up). Jeff hopped out of the shower and Andrew was confused why Mommy was in there too. Jeff told him that Daddy was taking too long in the shower and Mommy was kicking him out. Luckily, Jeff has quite the reputation for LOOOOOOOOONG showers, so this was completely reasonable to my 4-year-old's brain.

I guess we'll have to wait until the kids are out of the house from now on. Now I'm just waiting for the Mommy-Daddy shower to enter a conversation with the mailman, random grocery store customer, or playgroup mom. -sigh-

38 weeks...OUCH!

I had my oh-so-eventful 38 week appointment today. I dropped Andrew off at school, but I had to take Lily with me. Luckily, the office was practically empty, so we moved through very quickly. And I had brought animal crackers for the waiting area and a lollipop for my exam. Breakfast of champions! It was Lily's very first lollipop, and it worked like a CHARM. She got so so sticky from drooling so much and she loved to stick her hands on it. Also, she sucked on it while watching me suspiciously...she knew I would take it away from her eventually. (which I did...poor thing).

Anyhoo...I've lost a few more pounds. But I am retaining so much water in my feet, I think I gain and lose a few pounds every day. I probably just wasn't as swollen this morning. BP fine...I guess. Baby's heart rate was apparently fine. No one tells me anything when Lily is in the room. I seriously doubt they even take accurate measurements they are so busy cooing and talking to her. But how can you resist? She was taking out each animal cracker and making the sound the animal makes. Pretty cute.

The midwife did a pelvic exam. She's like up to her shoulder up there, to which I said, "If my cervix is that far away, can't we pretty much assume nothing is going on?" And then it HURT LIKE HELL...which is odd because I've had my cervix checked a few times, and while it was uncomfortable it never hurt like this before. Here's a bit of our conversation:

Me: "Wow. That never hurt with my other kids. Ouch!"
Midwife: "Oh, well, you're a good one centimeter and nice and soft, so I just kind of stripped your membranes to try and get you into labor."
Me: "Um, I hope it doesn't start until Monday, because I have no one to watch the kids until then. "
Midwife: "Oops. Well, just bring the kids with you if you go into labor."

Lovely. Next time a little head's up may be in order. But it doesn't matter. I've been a little crampy and sore, but no more contractions than usual. I didn't even bleed like she said I might. It take more than a little "sweep" to get this body in labor.

On to the next week...