My Michael

Oh, my Michael. For 9 months, I fretted and worried and stressed and dreaded. It is too early to have another baby. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I don't WANT another baby.

And then you came.



Oh. How I have fallen in love. And all those fears don't seem so scary anymore. It doesn't matter how hard it is going to be. How tired we all will be. How I will go grocery shopping or to the park or even in the bath at night. Because it's you. You, with all your little squeaks and whispers and sighs. The wrinkles in your forehead. Those scrawny bird legs. For whatever reason, it is YOU that I needed and wanted...and didn't even know it. I don't expect to be GOOD at having children this close together. But now I know that at the very least, you will be very very much loved.

We didn't even remember to bring a camera to the hospital, Michael. So we have no pictures of you on Mommy's chest or on the scale or in Daddy's arms for the first time. But I promise you, it is a memory I won't forget. This baby I thought I didn't want...rocketed into the world...put right onto my belly...and oh. How amazing you were. Soft and warm and quiet. Such a peaceful baby right from the beginning. I spoke to you and you stopped crying and turned your head right towards me...which I didn't want, because you were kind of blue, and you needed to cry more. Immediately I fell in love. It doesn't happen that way for some women...I feel so fortunate that I did. Because all that apprehension melted away. Nothing else matters, except that I love you.

I don't know what kind of baby you will be. Or what kind of person. The benefit of being the 3rd child is that I have no expectations. You are a fabulous baby...today. Perhaps by next week you will be a screaming demon. It doesn't matter today. I'm enjoying you. You are an incredibly good eater...FINALLY! I get a baby with a clue when it comes to nursing! You are just starting to have longer awake periods...and I love to look at your squinty little eyes.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, your Daddy has it pretty bad too. He has also spent the last 9 months in worry and wonder about how we will do it. But when he holds you now, it is undeniable. You have already wrapped yourself tight around his big Daddy finger. No worries...we are all so glad you have joined the family.

So welcome, my Michael. I'm sorry this blog is so full of my doubt and fears in you joining us. I already can't imagine life without you.