I am in a dilemma. And my few male readers may want to just skip this episode of "Moments of Sanity Part Duex"
I know a lot of moms who never breastfed their babies.
I know a lot of moms who effortlessly breastfed until their babies were a year old (or beyond!).
What I want to know is...those moms who made it to a year...was it really effortless? Did you ever have a moment of doubt that your baby wasn't eating enough? Did you ever have to fight with your little one as they refused to wait for your ridiculously slow let down? Did you ever feed your 6 months old every 90 minutes some afternoons and still not seem to satisfy them?
Breastfeeding has not been instinctual for me. I struggled A LOT when I started with Andrew...and only succeeded because of an angel of a lactation consultant. I do not/ can not pump, I have no engorgement, I have no leaking, I basically have no indication that I even produce milk except that my children are not starving.
At least, I was sure of that with Andrew. Dude, the kid was Buddha. But this little peanut I have now fills me with doubt.
So Lily is 7 months old. My afternoon feedings with her are rarely relaxing, because she is so frustrated with me. I don't know if it is because I supplemented with formula a few times so my milk supply didn't keep up with her need. I don't know if it's because I supplemented, and she now knows how stinkin' easy it is to eat out of a bottle. I don't know if it is because I don't drink enough water, or there are too many distractions, or she's just grouchy at the end of the day. I don't know.
She will nurse for 15 minutes and still be fussy. I give her a bottle and she drinks 4-6 ounces. Um...does that mean she's not getting enough breast milk? I don't know. After she nurses, she is usually happy, but often looking for more to eat soon after. After a bottle, she is "milk drunk".
So I'm thinking of formula feeding. I don't want to because 1) I nursed Andrew until he was 9 months, so it doesn't seem fair that Lily doesn't get the benefits until then (see, always comparing) 2) I LOVE breastfeeding, and Lily could very well be my last baby. I don't know if I'm ready to give it up FOREVER. 3) I like being the only one that can feed her. I selfishly don't want to give up my special time with her.
But I'm starting to watch Lily and feel like maybe breastfeeding her is selfish of me. It's starting to look like I'm nursing her because I like it, and not because it's the best thing for her.
-sigh- I wish I knew what to do. I wish babies could talk. I wish Lily could tell me if she was getting enough milk or what the problem is.
Our status right now...? I nurse her. In the afternoon when she is the most resistant to nursing, she gets a bottle. She LOVES the bottle. Literally grabs it out of my hand.
-sigh- Is this really it? My baby?
5 comments:
Giselle,
This is such a personal topic, maybe I'll be the only one foolish enough to comment. . . I nursed Harper until about 13 1/2 -14 months, and the weaning happened very naturally at the end of our holiday traveling. By the end I was only nursing her first thing in the morning when she would nurse in bed with me and then we would snooze together in the early morning, I wouldn't trade that for the world. She never took bottles (refused!) and never drank anything (see bottle refusal) but my milk until she was cleared for whole milk at one year. She DID start eating rice cereal (which I believe we just mixed with water) around six months. I don't recall the doctor ever being worried about weight, except that she didn't gain an ounce between six and nine months which coincided with her beginning to move. She jumped up in weight when she started drinking milk and loved her cup once we put actual milk in it!
If your doctor thinks Lily is okay and you want to keep nursing, I would go for it. If it is more frustrating for you/her than seems worth it, I don't see any reason you should feel badly about stopping. The overriding feeling I've always gotten is that any amount of breastfeeding is better than none; yet my brother and sister and I were all exclusively formula fed and we survived just fine! Honestly, I would have been so thrilled if Harper would have taken a bottle of anything (wouldn't even take pumped milk!), I was tethered pretty closely to that child for over a year. Once I took a sub job when my mom was babysitting and she brought Harper to the school so I could nurse on the planning period!
(Sorry about the novel of a comment!)
Giselle, my experience breasfeeding Calum was similar. There was nothing instictual and rarely anything pleasant about it. I did it for 8 months and feel very proud of that. I also supplemented, starting at like 1 month because it was frustrating and ultimately not doing me any favors to be purist about it. Cal didn't have any problems getting enough, but sometimes I wonder if I could have possibly kept up with his demand. The physical demands of nursing were greater than I ever expected.
The point I'm trying unsuccessfully to make is that I was happier, Cal was happier, and we got through our days better once I started at least supplementing. While formula is pricey, it is also perfectly good for them and Cal is healthy as an ox. My pediatrician knew I was sort of miserable breastfeeding (especially at first) and kept telling me that the best thing I could do for my baby was take care of myself. And if that meant giving up nursing, then that would be best for my baby. Which was wierd to hear from the pediatrician, but ultimately took the pressure off so I could supplement with formula and not feel GUILTY about it.
Well, this is a lot of personal info, but there you have it. I feel good about the breastfeeding I did with Cal and if I even come close to accomplishing that with Number Two, I'll be very proud.
Also? Breastfeeding for 7 months with Lily... AWESOME!
Thanks ladies! I really do love nursing...so much so that I worry Lily is really hungry and I'm ignoring all the signs because I selfishly want to continue.
Fact of the matter is...she isn't starving, there is no right or wrong solution, and she's a different kid than Andrew so I have to be open to other paths. I stopped nursing him because I got my period back and I was so scared of getting pregnant again that I just wanted birth control...NOW. With Lily I was determined to take a more laid back approach...and now it seems she like the bottle better than me.
I'll figure all this out. She'll grow up beautiful and healthy no matter what. It just brings up the whole "last baby" issue for the first time. I just can't believe I may not get to do this again. Jeff reminds me that this would happen no matter how many kids I had...there will always be a last.
Thanks again for sharing your stories. It makes me feel better!
Giselle-
I ran into a similiar problem with BFing Porter around 9 months. I even called the LC again for advise. What it boiled down to for me was that either Porter was hungrier in the afternoon or I was just less full by that time of day. I was able to confirm that my supply was less than the rest of the day by looking at the amount I was pumping. What I ended up doing was adding 1 bottle of formula and an afternoon snack for him.
I VOWED to Chris that with our new baby that I will be easier on myself if I need to supplement. I took not being able to satisfy Porter very personal. I do hope to nurse for 1 year again but I will practice what I kindly tell other mothers "it is okay if you need to
give your baby formula, kids thrive on it everyday, and sometimes we need to do what is best for the entire family".
Kara M
How about some baby food after a nursing session?
Rachel
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