Mommy friends

Making friends is an art form. One that comes easily to some and is a struggle for others. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say that making Mommy friends is even harder than the average friend making.

In normal, childless situations, making friends involves finding someone who likes to do things that you do or at the very least is interesting to talk to. If you don't share the same political views or religious beliefs, it is very easy to simply avoid these topics or touch on them very gently so no one is offended.

Parenting is very polarizing. See, parents...all parents...have to choose what to focus on. Raising a child is incredibly overwhelming, and no parent can be perfect in all aspects. So each parent must choose what is worth fighting for and what can simply be brushed under the rug. Some parents worry about the food going into their child's mouth (is it organic? is it free from refined sugar? i do not want to do anything to make my child obese/not grow enough). Some worry about germs (did we wash our hands yet? let's stay away from that kid with a runny nose. oh, i must sanitize this paci again.) Some are very strict about rules (no jumping in the house, don't leave the table until we're all finished with the meal, all toys must be cleaned up at the end of the day). You get the idea? Maybe there is a woman out there that manages to stay up on everything 100% of the time. But I don't want to be friends with her. ;)

Okay, so you get that parenting is about choosing what to focus on in the hopes that you will successfully raise your child to be independent, self-sufficient, confident, and hopefully not living in your basement alone at age 45. Heaven help you if you and your spouse have major arguments about what to focus on. But there is the struggle of facing the world around you as well.

See, parents choose (whether consciously or not) what they will struggle to improve in their children. Then they cling to that like it is gospel. And someone who has gone down a slightly different path must be raising their child wrong...because if they end up being correct, then you are wrong. Yikes. That is unacceptable.

This is getting long. But my point is when you get together and try to make friends with another mom, your hot topics are right there out in the open. You can't just avoid the topics...parenting happens 100% of the time, so it is impossible to just avoid it. One mom has made the choice to watch every bite of food that goes into her daughter's mouth. Everything should be organic or at least without preservatives. She gets produce from local organic farms, shops at health food stores, and limits anything that might be chewy and get stuck in teeth (no cavities!). She goes to a playdate, and the mother hosting has...gasp...fruit snacks, salty pretzels from Acme, and juice boxes. What does she do? One mother doesn't believe in spanking when her child does something wrong, and the host thinks it is the only way to get through to a child.

A good mom friend just swallows hard and bends the rules for the 2 hours we're together. Then she goes home and tells her husband how the host's kids are going to be obese and get cancer and whatever else organic health food is supposed to help you avoid. She never says anything to your face, because deep down she knows that all our kids are going to grow up fine as long as we love them enough to try and make their lives better...in some aspect...even if it's not the same aspect.

A bad mom friend watches you put your child in timeout and then proceeds to tell you that you should spank, because you need to beat the evil out of your child. (yes, that actually happened to me).

So it's a struggle, but it's well worth it to find those fellow soldiers in the field of parenting. Even if you have different ideology, nobody really knows what they are doing. And it's really nice to know that you aren't the only one wandering in cluelessness.