Things I've learned by watching home videos

Our own home videos, that is. We recently pulled out a few DVD's of our family...one from when Andrew was a baby and one that Jeff made me last year from when Lily was a baby. We have WAY more footage...but it is captured on mini-tapes that need to be downloaded onto the computer and then formatted into a DVD...zzzzzzz....oops! I fell asleep there for a minute. Maybe by the time the kids graduate from high school...college?....PhD programs?...Maybe before we die we will have all the DVD's made and I can enjoy watching them. Of course, DVD's will be obsolete by then. -sigh- I'm getting depressed.

The most depressing thing is that one of our 2 DVD's is of Andrew as a baby. Now I love me some first time parents, don't get me wrong. I loved being a first-time parent, and I think there is a joy and wonderment that just can't be duplicated. But, DAMN, first-time parents make some BORING ASS videos. Seriously, I think 30 minutes of this DVD is of Andrew lying on the Boppy pillow, unable to even move his head, slowly...slowly falling off the Boppy pillow until the hovering parent (because there is ALWAYS a hovering parent) props him back into position. He gets a gas bubble and smirks in relief when it passes...and the parents (that would be me and Jeff), coo and giggle and murmur to each other in amazement and wonder. God. It. Is. Boring. And the sad thing is, I remember when Jeff made the DVD, he cut out so much. The stuff immortalized on this DVD is THE GOOD STUFF. I'm not trying to dissuade new parents from taking videos like this...for heaven's sake, what a blessing that you are that in love with your little creation that little farts make you feel glad to be alive. But 5 years later, when that same kid is clearing a room with his little farts (seriously, has something DIED in there?), when you watch the video you can't help but cynically thinking, "Oh yea. It started young..."

I digress...as usual...

So assuming that these 2 DVD's are the only two we will ever successfully format so that I can watch them...here is what I will remember of our life with young children...

1) It is so quiet. Seriously, when you have only one kid...or no kids, I assume...it is friggin' PEACEFUL. So so quiet. You can actually hear those gassy farts from your 3 weeks old...because there is no fighting or teasing or tackling in the background. There's no TV on constantly, no crashes as things get knocked over...QUIET.

2) It is so CLEAN. 3 kids=lots of toys. Back when there was only one, and he needed nothing but a boob and a Boppy...oh. my. God. I have forgotten how uncluttered a house can be. And I have never been a good housekeeper...but there just wasn't as much STUFF.

3) We never wear clothes. Our entire lives are spent in pajamas. Because in every shot except for 2 or 3 we are all in our pajamas. Apparently we don't remember to get the camera out after 8 am.

4) We live in two rooms. An unfurnished living room and the kitchen. Why don't we own a couch? Or beds? Why are we always sitting on the floor?

5) We never leave our house. A few videos are taken in our backyard. But we never ever leave. There are no shots at the aquarium or the park or school. Always at home. In our pjs.

6) I don't exist. After Andrew hits about 8 months old, I disappear from life at our house. I transform into a disembodied voice which makes annoying and painfully obvious observations while taping. Which is even more irritating when I watch the video, because I say the same annoying and painfully obvious comments as I watch...proving that not only am I obvious and annoying, but unoriginal as well.

So what am I taking away from this reflection of our taping? Should I stop taking videos, since they will be locked away on an unviewable disc forever? Should I dress my children? Make the videos more exciting somehow?

Nah...heck, Christmas is coming in 2 days. If there is anything more boring than new baby on Boppy footage, it is opening presents footage. Set her up...I'm filming!