I really enjoy our new church. The people are very friendly, there are lots of kids, and Andrew adores Sunday school. Michael and Lily have adjusted to going to the nursery, so Jeff and I get an hour to sit quietly side by side and hold hands each week. Lovely.
But there are inevitable downsides. Like, churches are DESPERATE to get you to help with their activities. And I really really want to. But one week after we went for the first time...this was in September...one WEEK...I got a call asking if I would help in Sunday school for the month of October. I deferred until February, because at that time Michael and Lily were FRANTIC in the nursery...so I was helping in there. But, seriously? Ask a Catholic to teach Methodist Sunday school after one week? Those kids are going to leave doing the sign of the cross, calling the service a Mass, and preaching the grace of Holy Mother Mary. Just watch me...I'll do it ;)
But last night took the cake. I got a call from a woman who I'd already spoken to a few months ago. She had asked me in December to run the nursery during an Advent activity day. I said yes, dragged the kids there, only to find they didn't need me. Which was cool...Andrew did an Advent activity and I chased Michael around and it was fine. Last night she called and hemmed and hawed about how "Your name came up at the committee meetings last night." and "Do you have good organizational skills." and "You'd only have to send e-mails and drum up enthusiasm and maybe choose the theme and curriculum and organize volunteers." I interrupted and asked her to clarify what she was asking me.
She was calling to ask if I would be the leader of Vacation Bible School. The LEADER. Me. The person who has been a member of the church for about 6 weeks. Who has never stepped foot into a VBS before. Who only recognizes about 3 people by name in the church. She kindly told me that I would only have to send e-mails to John So-and-so...because he runs the website, and I would get lots of help from Kris So-and-so and Sara So-and-so....people I *think* I have met once or twice.
Politely as I could, I turned her down. I tried to explain that I'd never even been in the basement of the church...do they have classrooms down there or something? I tried to let her know that I'd never sent my children to a VBS or attended a VBS myself...so I was uncomfortable choosing a curriculum and planning events. I told her to please put my name down to volunteer for one aspect of the VBS...arts and crafts or drama or as a teacher or whatever. I would like to be involved and get to know people and take an active part in the church. I'm just not ready to be in charge yet.
She said of course she understood. And then the conversation took a strange and ugly turn. She talked for about 15 minutes about how the other mothers have jobs and are PTA presidents and Scout leaders and it is really hard to find the time to do this but they do it. And how she worked in the "corporate" world even right after her kids were born, and she decided to take a break when her kids were in middle school, so she just threw herself into church and transformed the Sunday school program to keep herself busy. And how they really needed people with fresh enthusiasm like me to take the torch and help the church.
And then the conversation was over, and I hung up feeling ashamed and guilty that I hadn't said yes. And I felt angry and insulted that she would judge me for being a stay-at-home mother and not do a million other things. And I felt just generally incredulous that I should feel any of these things for turning down a post that I am clearly unqualified for at a place I have been attending for less than 4 months. That even though I WANT to get involved and I WANT this to be a place to enrich my family and I LOOK FORWARD to becoming a part of their community...I already feel like I've let them down. And this woman made me feel that way. And I understand she is probably burdened by her post, and burnt out from years of volunteering, and eager to get younger more enthusiastic women involved. I understand, but don't think she handled it well.
Ah, the downsides of organized religion.
10 comments:
That is just down right weird! Our church is all about people helping out but I can't imagine them ever calling me (and we've been going there for 2 years) to RUN VBS!! That is a HUGE undertaking! I help with VBS - yup by cutting and preparing crafts at home because I got roped into from a friend of Rob's :) They need to back off on the pressure there! Too bad you aren't closer - you'd love our church!
In the Methodist Church, we have something called the "Nomination Committee" where people from the church get together and try to find people to fill all the spots that need filling to make the church run. Even as a teenager, I would get calls from people saying I was "nominated" to do something. I understand the concept and I was honored that they thought that much of me, but-- you know. That is odd that they called you to run VBS like that!
Um, that would seriously annoy me.
That's your Catholic guilt creeping up on you honey! (I went to Catholic school for forever and am still a "practicing" Catholic so trust me, I get it!). I think you were very gracious and it is honestly none of her business how you choose to use your time. How does she know you don't volunteer for other things- she should not assume! And even if you didn't do one other thing- I am personally finding 3 littles to be PLENTY to keep me busy!!
Also, I think that your offer to be involved in some aspect of VBS-without having to be the ringleader- was very generous. No wonder she can't get more helpers--her expectations are a bit unreasonable. I would just leave it at that...if she takes you up on your offer then that's good. If she ever goes into a lecture again, you should stand your ground. Maybe after seeing VBS, you would decide to be more involved next year but that is your decision and you shouldn't be bullied or guilted into it. Okay, enough of my rant...
Aww those Methodists and VBS. It is a universal problem that no one wants to LEAD VBS because it is a monumental job! I'm glad you stood your grounds. The only way they get someone to be the LEADER is to guilt them into it. Trust me it's better to feel a little guilt than to feel exhausted as a LEADER.
Ugh - that would have made me feel weird too. Certainly not the way to help people want to get involved...
I hope they appreciate the help you are willing to give and let you wait a year or two before running the place!
She had a really unrealistic request of you, and she probably is burnt out, but you are in NO WAY obligated to help with VBS AT ALL, much less run the thing.
Do what you honestly feel called to do and let the rest of it roll of your back. Situations like this will take advantage of you, if you let them. And then you won't enjoy it, because you'll feel put-upon.
Which is why I say, do only what you honestly feel called to do. The rest is simply not your problem.
One year into me volunteering at our VBS they tired to recruit me into running it the next year. I thought THAT was pushy. Your story takes the cake!! Unbelieveable!! Good for you for saying no! That is a HUGE job! I find it SO annoying when people prey on the new people to take on a job because all the people who have been there for a while already know how much work it is and don't want to attempt it. It happens ALL the time at my church. ugh!!
Totally weird. Don't feel guilty. And there are always people in every organization that aren't going to be your best friends. Church isn't always attended by the most church-y, unfortunately.
It sounds like you were a LOT nicer than I would have been. Of course I don't attend any church because of junk like this.
Apparently, this woman has forgotten how difficult it is to fracking brush your teeth when you have 3 kids ages 6 and under. She volunteered when her kids were in middle school---when they could do most everything on their own and didn't require mommy's assistance.
I think I'm going to have an aneurysm from this. I am so FIRED up!!
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