A Mother's GPS

I got a GPS for Christmas. It is AWESOME. I really really can use one of those things.

I:
#1: Have no sense of direction. I may as well be driving around with a bag over my head. I don't recognize landmarks, don't remember street names, I can't follow the North Star, nothing. Hopeless.

#2: I have lived in too many freakin' places. If I could just STAY IN ONE PLACE for a while, perhaps I could "fake it" when it came to knowing how to get places. But instead, my brain is one big jumble of maps...I know how to get to the Kroger in Montgomery OH, the mall in Dayton, the library in Yorba Linda, the zoo in Louisville, the Farmer's market here in suburbia PA...you see how it goes? Not enough brain cells to remember all the places...so I remember not so much.

#3: The east coast is frickin' CRAZY when it comes to street names. In Ohio, everything is laid out in a grid. Unless you are in the middle of nowhere. But that's just where Jeff grew up. In Ohio where I grew up, if you come to an intersection and turn 90 degrees...you have just turned onto another street. Not so, here in the great state of PA. I know I've said it before, but as an example here are the directions to Andrew's school (street names changed to protect the innocent). Turn left onto Frogtown-Toadtown Rd. At the first light, turn left onto Frogtown-Toadtown Rd. Go through 2 lights. At the 2nd light, turn onto Ribbit Farm Lane. At the first light, turn left onto Ribbit Farm Lane. Turn left onto Croaking Drive. The road will fork...veer right onto the street with no sign. The school is behind a realtor's office with a 6" sign marking the one-way drive to the parking lot. Isn't that ridiculous?!?! A person like me cannot be expected to live under these conditions!

Anyway, this delightful contraption will hopefully keep me from wandering aimlessly through cow pastures and scary inner city streets where I don't belong (with my 5 year old whining from the back seat, "Are we lost again, Mom?")

There are a few features I'd like to add, however. Or add them to Mapquest.com for that matter. Manufacturer's take note.

--I would like the option to choose the route with the least stops. If I have a baby that I would like to sleep, I want as few stop signs and intersections as possible when getting to my destination. I don't care if it takes me 50 miles out of my way...map it!

--I would like to choose the route with the most visible farm/wild animals en route. Or other interesting sights to entertain the restless troops behind me.

--I would like to be able to choose a route that under no circumstances takes me past certain inviting signs, that may make children in the back whine and beg to stop (like McDonalds or Sesame Place).

--I would like to be able to ask for locations based on the amenity I am looking for...like where can I find a drive through donut shop or please take me to a store that sells mild sedatives without a prescription or a place that will safely entertain a 2 and 5 year old...preferably with people hired to take care of them for me. I don't know the name of the place...just take me there!

I'm sure I'll think of more options I'd like later. This is just a start...off the top of my head. Any you would like to add?