So the blog world (or my little one) has been all abuzz about religion and beliefs and stuff. Whew...heady. And this after I just read the Newsweek article about religion disappearing in America (or something like that...) For the record, we do not currently attend a church. I like the idea of church and the whole community thing, etc. I personally don't quite get it...listening to faithful people explain how they "found Jesus" is kind of like me listening to America's Next Top Model. I hear the judges tell the models to "be fierce" and "be present in the photo" and it means nothing to me...my pictures would never improve because their advice is gibberish to me. As it is gibberish when someone tells me to "open my heart to Jesus" or "quest for Him" ...uh...huh? And, quite frankly, organized religion bugs me sometimes. Like everything good is because of God but nothing bad is...there is a comedian who says athletes always praise Jesus when they win but you never hear the losers saying, "Jesus made me drop the ball!"
My children have each been baptized. Andrew goes to a Presbyterian pre-school where he learns much about God and Jesus and seems really really interested. We talk about God sometimes. I would love to expose them to religion, because I am quite envious of people who have a strong faith. I think it brings much comfort and peace in times of strife, and although I can't seem to find that, I would be happy if my children did. But we have lived here 2 1/2 years now, and we have yet to step into a service. I don't know why...I think we just don't have it in our routine and we just don't miss it. Maybe if we actually started going...maybe next week. Oh, wait, I'm walking the March of Dimes walk next Sunday morning. Okay, maybe the next week after that...see how it goes?
Some people think it is hypocritical to baptize my children if I am not going to take them to church each week. Except...I feel it is kind of like an immunization. Just in case they get the religious bug, they've got the first step down. Or if they marry a Catholic or Christian...they can get married in a church. I feel like I am constantly trying to make my children better people than me...I cut up mango for my sons even though I HATE them. I encourage them to wait to eat their snacks and candy until after 11 am, even though I sneak some in the early morning hours. I send Andrew out to run a lap around the house when he is bored, even though when I am bored I nosh on bad food and make myself fat. I just keep hoping that by planting these seeds, they will grow up and be healthier and more in touch with God and fitter than me.
But, of course, that is not how raising children really works. They pretty much learn by example, so while they are listening with their ears, but it rarely sticks in their brains. They are actually just watching my every move and absorbing how life works that way. And in the end...when they hit adulthood...one of two things will happen.
1) They will, despite their best efforts and intentions, end up just like Jeff and I. It will creep up on them...one day they will say a phrase to their children, or see their waistline billow out, and suddenly they will have the epiphany..."OMG...I am my mother (or father)."
2) They will hate Jeff and I...really and truly hate who we are and what we stand for. And driven by that strong emotion, they will become exactly the opposite of us. They will be marathon running Bible beaters who eat no meat and have clean houses.
I think #2 might be a better option for them as far as becoming well-rounded people is concerned...but I really don't want them to hate us. I suppose I should instead start working on my "teach by example". Now where are my running shoes? And that dusty old Bible? -sigh- I think I'll go eat another cinnamon roll while I decide what to do first.
***edited to add: In re-reading this post, it sounds as if I am down on my own parents. I grew up in a house hold where we went to church every Sunday, ate healthy food, and lived very neat and cleanly. And I still love my parents, even though I am NOT following the good example that they set for me. ;) I guess really each person gets to choose for themselves...but my parents gave me the tools and example to know what the good choices should be...even if I don't do them ;) Perhaps there should be a #3...
#3- Your children will not be better than you until they have their own children...when they will be inspired to live your life lessons and finally build on that foundation you set so many years ago...just to start the cycle again.
7 comments:
I doubt that they'll hate you. I'm sure when THEY grow up and have kids, things will become a lot more clear to them and they'll appreciate what you did for them.
I do hear you on the religion thing. It's such a personal thing for every person. For me, though, having faith is God is having faith in the good times and the bad. I don't believe that God makes bad things happen. Bad things just happen in this world. Have you read "The Shack?" Interesting read. This is not to say I'm totally into organized relgion. I do feel closer to God during the bad times- He has brought me through the lowest of the low. Maybe you should start small- do some research into different denominations until you find one that's the right fit. It may take several tries.
One of the reasons I'm active in church today is because of my mom. And in a way, she's active because of me and my sister. This is the lady that wasn't going to church and then decided that she needed something for her kids to believe in (I'm paraphrasing of course). It's now been about 30 years that she's been going.
But yeah, kind of agree with Kara that it's personal, and you really do need to find it for yourself, not just for your kids. (That didn't sound too preachy, did it?)
Well for the record; I think all three of you are better than your parents. You are smarter, funnier, more self assured, etc. Maybe you'll feel that way with your children. Maybe the generations will just keep improving. Religion is a personal thing. I remember Fr. Lou saying we are all at different stages of faith. Some of us are just babies. I think I'm a baby. You have to be patient with us. I too admire people with strong beliefs. Life is just so grey for me. Anyway I think you all are wonderful human beings and I feel proud and lucky to be your parent.
I think you do set an excellent example for your kids in all of the most important ways - you are just a good person and I have every confidence that they will follow suit.
But all religion talk? We must follow some different blogs, because I was like, huh???
I felt like I was reading my own blog... I blame the pregnancy hormones making me obsess about religion/faith.
Anyhoo.
I figure my kids might hate me until they go into therapy and realize (like I did) that their parents were doing the best they could based on their own foibles and fears. And then they'll recognize that we are human first and parents second. And that more than anything we love them.
Going to church doesn't make you a good person (surprise!) People go for different reasons.
At first I went because I was looking for answers. It's easy to sit and watch the world and think-- man, things are not the way they should be. I got tired of complaining and wanted to get DOING. Hey, it keeps me on lower doses of antidepressants.
Now I feel like my time and money are going to a place that I know is making a difference in the world. Faith for me is less about WHO and more about HOW. I think Jesus (or any religion) is only as good as its people.
If we're all waiting around for a sign or a miracle... we better be thinking about where that is coming from. It's each other, and I want to be the answer someone was looking for.
So I go to church for ME, not because I think I SHOULD or because I think COlin needs it. It inspires me to be better. Maybe one day it will inspire him, too, and know that there is a community of people with the same goal-- trying to bring a little more heaven to earth.
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