The walk

So I walked in the March of Dimes walk this past Sunday. It was hot and fun and 6 miles (although we also had to walk about 3/4 of a mile to the parking area and back...shouldn't that count?). I had a great time chatting with my 3 friends that also walked, got a bit choked up as we read the poster boards about some of the babies, and got a few blisters from my sneakers. Um, I've had them for 4 years...shouldn't they be broken in by now? It made me wish that I could always socialize like this...instead of sitting around eating. We got to talk and get away from the kids, with the added benefit of feeling good about what we had done. But I doubt I'll be able to convince my friends to "walk" as a social outing. Which is why I'm fat. Why aren't my friends?

Anyhoo, one of my favorite things was walking out my front door and leaving Jeff with the 3 kids. I was busy getting ready in the morning...getting dressed, printing out my pledge sheet, getting suntan-lotioned up, etc...so I wasn't much help to him. And I found a sick, deep-seeded pleasure at watching him struggle with the kids. I swear to God, when I heard him yelling at Andrew to leave his sister alone, I almost broke into a happy dance. And listening to Lily ask him over and over to play castle AND take Mikey away all while Andrew begs to be read to...and then watching him struggle to address everyone's needs and desires... I'm getting a little light headed just recalling it now.

I'm not really that mean. I don't think I like seeing my husband uncomfortable and overwhelmed. But... Being a stay-at-home mother, you don't get performance reviews. You don't get periodic recalibration of your job description and goals. You have no idea what kind of job you are doing until one day you realize that your kids are contributing, functioning adults. And even then it can be a crap-shoot...because you could have one screw-up and one CEO kid...how to you rate that kind of parenting? So listening to Jeff get frustrated makes me feel better...because I get frustrated. Watching Jeff struggle to make everyone happy makes me feel justified that I can't make everyone happy.

Also? I think it is good for him to see what exactly staying at home entails. Jeff has never once made me feel like he thinks I have it easy. He never complains that I have the lighter burden to bear. But I know he must feel that sometimes. He's sitting in his office in the middle of a chemical plant on a gorgeous day. He's got to be thinking how great it must be to be at home enjoying the great outdoors with 3 fun playmates.

The best part was coming home 3 hours later. The kids were still in the their pjs, even though it was a gorgeous day out. The baby had refused to nap, the children refused to dress, and there was much fighting and boredom. It embodied my daily frustrations...although I should admittedly be better at it, since I've had years of practice ;)

No, no, the BEST BEST part was when Michael saw me. He's rarely been away from me...usually I steal away from the house when he's napping or already asleep at night. He saw me and LIT UP. Then he desperately worked to get over to me (he was mid-climb on the Elmo couch when I arrived). Once he got to me, I scooped him up and he instantly cuddled his head down on my shoulder, pressed his entire body close to me, and started patting me on the back. We sat like that for 5 minutes...precious precious baby. Then he started whining and crying...he was desperately thirsty, but never thought to ask Dad for a drink. ;)

So I think I'll definitely do the walk next year. Too bad their won't be a baby there to great me...