How to create an UNO Master in 7 easy steps

How to create an UNO Master.***

Step 1:  Allow the child to observe UNO games for the first 3 years of his life.  Preferably have older children play it, so that he is instantly interested.  He will probably take the cards, crumple them, knock over the pile, and enrage other children.

Step 2:  Attempt to teach the child the basics of play.  Sit him on your lap.  He will probably announce your whole hand and insist that you play every turn instead of taking turns with others.

Step 3:  When he seems to understand the basics and/or you are sick of his wiggly butt in your lap, deal him his own UNO hand.  He will likely throw himself on the floor in protest if he is not dealt any Skip cards.  Conversely, he may also get so excited when he does get a Skip that he forgets all the rules and just plays them all right away all at once.  Correcting him will likely lead to more flailing on the floor, screaming, and gnashing of the teeth.

Step 4:  Continue playing with the older children.  Eventually, the desire to be a part of the group will trump his insatiable desire to Skip people constantly.

Step 5:  When he is finally playing appropriately, there will be a brief period of "Bad Loseritis".  The child will more than likely only be able to play one game per sitting.  Or, rather, as many games as he wins plus the first game he loses.  That will be his last game of the day.

Step 6:  Create silly phrases that make losing more acceptable and fun.  Like when someone plays a Draw 4 on you, holler, "Curse You, Michael!"  or when you have none of a certain color holler, "I don't have any stinkin' greens!" or just generally make a big deal when you are losing...in a funny way.  Soon the child will mimic you and will find it fun to holler these phrases instead of getting upset.  Also helpful is making it a game of "who lost by the most".  Losers count up how many cards they have and then theatrically moan about how many cards they still have.  Pre-schoolers think this is hilarious and it will also make losing taste better.

Step 7:  Now that the child knows the rules of the game and can handle losing, play at least 20 games a day.  Preferably until the adult loses circulation to their feet or has a strong desire for wine to make it a drinking game.

Congratulations!  You have created an UNO Master! 



***Warning.  Once your child has become an UNO Master, there is no turning back.  You will be asked to play countless times.  This post was of course inspired by Michael, who is OBSESSED with UNO.  I honestly played at least 20 games with him today.  After every game finishes, he simply says, "Again."  And then I played at least 15 games with Lily during his nap time.  Another UNO Master.