Full circle

It is a common goal that we try and live as long as we possibly can. Of course, right?

Our entry into this world isn't glamorous or pretty. For the first few years, we have no control over our bowels and bladder, we often drool, we have difficulty communicating our needs to others, we are often irrational and confused. Our bodies are fragile and we must be protected from dangers. We are totally dependent on the more capable humans around us...to provide food and shelter and comfort and make all our decisions for us...even if we fight tooth and nail.

The end of our lives can be a mirror to those early days...if we are lucky enough to come full circle. Not glamerous or pretty. There are a few critical differences. It is our children or often perfect strangers taking care of us, instead of our parents. Taking care of a child's needs works on a pretty set timeline. After 3 or 4 years, you are most certainly not going to be cleaning up blowout diapers. You realize they WILL learn to speak, reason, help themselves...all in just 4-5 years (give or take). The elderly stage of our life can last an unpredictable amount of time. And how quickly we lose our functioning is so variable. But changes happen almost as quickly as with children...just in the opposite direction.

I watch my parents taking care of their parents. And I am so proud of them. Because it is just another representation of what caring, compassionate, wonderful people they are. They bend over backwards every day to help their mothers through this twilight of life. They make decisions for women who once upon a time changed their diapers, kissed their boo-boos, gave advice, ran households, had fulfilling independent lives. And they agonize over these decisions...is this good enough? Is it what they want? Am I doing enough for them? Have I considered all the options? All when there are very few rewards for their hard work and worry. All when there is no way of knowing whether each question has been answered correctly, and more questions and issues pop up every day.

I ache for my parents as they continue. I cannot imagine. But if someday I do have to take the same tasks on...I can only hope to be as gracious and loving a child as they are.