Ever seen that show where the crazy host goes behind the scenes of the most disgusting jobs in existence today? No? Me neither. But I've seen ads for that show, and today I did something that should go right in their programming line-up.
Vacuuming the couch. Under the cushions. -gasp-
If you are the type that has this job fixed in your regular cleaning routine...I can't imagine what you find entertaining about this silly little blog. Because we must have nothing in common. Visiting this URL must be like watching COPS, or Cheaters, or a crash on the side of the road. You feel like you shouldn't watch...but you just can't help yourself.
I have lived in this house for 1 year. I have never vacuumed under my couch cushions. I would like to say that I vacuumed them before moving the couch here from Kentucky...but that would be lying. I was taking care of a 3 week old and holding onto my sanity by a thread. Vacuuming under the cushions didn't cross my mind. I do occasionally go cushion diving for toys, remotes, magazines. This is a dangerous and disgusting mission that I go into mentally prepared to lose a finger or two.
For his birthday, Andrew received a giant tin of poker chips. Best gift ever. Except that apparently, the only acceptable place to play with this toy is on the couch. Where the chips are constantly falling between the couch cushions. After just one day of sticking my hand repeatedly into the "Nast Zone", I decided that it was time to clean up under there.
It was...unbelievably gross. To those of you who regularly clean this area of the house...I commend you. Because this was just a collection of the disgustingness that are the people living in this house. Crumbs, lollipop sticks, an unidentified dried stain, crumbs, crumbs, and more crumbs, hair, ick ick ick. Have any of you left to swallow that lump in your throat? I had to many times while cleaning this out. The grossest part was that Lily saw the absence of cushions as an invitation to climb up on the couch. EEEEEWWWWW!
It is now clean. Aren't you glad I shared? Now my week not posting seems a bit like a gift, eh? And to think...I could have showered you with cute stories about Andrew turning 4 ("I can dry myself off now...I'm 4"). Or pitiful stories about my sweet Lily battling a cold whilst her mean mommy cuts her off from the bottle. But I'm a firm believer that if I'm going to neglect my children by blogging during the day, it is my duty to show my ugly parts here on this blog. And I'm not talking stretch marks, people. The couch.
This has been a public service announcement.
3 comments:
What??? You can take the cushions off the couch? Who knew? You get it honestly kid.
You have no idea how much it kills me to know my whole family has been together... and I missed it!
Hey, did you know that guy from that Dirty Jobs show once did Canada Goose Banding, which is one of my job responsibilities! It was awesome! He did it in Alaska, which is much more glamorous (or, I guess, scenic) than Missouri, but we get more geese in much dirtier spots than in Alaska. And then we pry open their cloacas and-- what?-- you don't want to hear about that again? Well fine.
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