I got two questions from my plea on the first day of Ramalamadingdong Blogging Month. I think I have addressed them kind-of in past posts, but I'll revisit them again this morning, because my throat is scratchy and I haven't had any adult interaction this week...so I'm lacking inspiration. Thank you to Kelsey and Emily for providing me with a post!
Question the first: I want to know how your attitudes as a parent have changed now that you have 3 kids. And were you always this laid back...even at the beginning with Andrew?
Okay, I don't feel like I've changed too much...but I can point to one thing I no longer do. I used to constantly compare Andrew with other kids his age. CONSTANTLY. I would always be noticing how other kids talked, moved, acted and then mentally checking Andrew against them. When Lily was first born, I started to do this with her and my memories and written stats of Andrew. That quickly fell apart, since Lily was so different...and yet so deliciously wonderful all on her own. I guess watching Andrew grow up has made me realize that kids get to where they're growing to all in their own way. I watched Andrew's playmates who could barely talk at 3, turn into Kindergartners that are more proficient readers than him. So now I am to the point that Mikey being a cave-man doesn't really bother me, because I can see that he is developing and changing and learning...just in a very different way and rate than my other kids. Lily not potty training despite the fact that EVERY OTHER LITTLE GIRL I KNOW potty trained by 3...frustrates me a bit, but doesn't worry me. She'll get there. It is very liberating not to compare.
As far as laid back? I think I've always been laid back. To the point that I know it drives my MIL a little crazy. I think most of the times that I've taken my kids to the doctor for other than well visits, it has been because of pressure from an outside source. I just don't worry about things much. I am the person who takes their kids to the well visit and says, "I don't worry about things. So you need to tell me when I should start to worry about x,y, and z" That's what I did last week when talking to the doctor about Lily's nasal voice and snoring...I know she has big adenoids...she MUST. But I'm not worried about it...so I asked the doctor when I should. (she said I shouldn't) But I'm laid back about most things in life...so it makes sense that parenting would be the same.
Question the second: I want to know which transition was the hardest for you...0 to 1 kid, 1 to 2 kids, or 2 to 3 kids.
I'm pretty sure I answered this back after Michael was born...maybe even last November...but I can't find that post. And I think my answer has changed. I have always maintained that going from 1 to 2 was my easiest transition. I was already a mother, already staying at home, already had friends in the same situation, anticipating the sleep deprivation, fully understanding what parenting was all about...just didn't seem that bad. But I think back then I said that my hardest transition was 0 to 1...because it was just such a change in our lifestyle and newly figuring out what living without sleep was all about, etc etc.
But I'd like to change that answer. For me, I think this transition to 3 kids has been, and continues to be the hardest. Mostly because once I had Andrew, I figured out the whole sleep deprivation, and not being spontaneous thing, and we were on a roll. Have 3 kids continues to be such a challenge...to the point that now Michael is 18 months old...I STILL avoid certain situations because I don't think I can handle doing it with 3 kids by myself. I often feel I am in over my head.
That being said, I think that anyone you ask will give you a different answer. I think the difficulty of transition has less to do with the number of kids and more to do with the personality of your kids, the spacing of your kids, your work situation, your living situation, etc. If Lily had been a colicky, barfy, non-sleeper, and Andrew had had a terrible adjustment to adding a sibling, then my answer would probably be totally different. If I had given birth to my 3rd child when my older two were 10 and 7 years old (like my mother did), then my answer would probably be totally different.
Crappy answer, eh?
7 comments:
and isn't the weird thing about the transition to 3 that it never seems to get easier? I remember last summer thinking "next summer will be easier - Joey will be walking and we can go the park, etc" and then this past summer rolled around and he is walking but he was a holy terror and there was no physical way to contain him at the park or even in our backyard so we stayed inside and watched TV all summer...
Then I think when they are all in school it will be easier but they are spaced such that I'll be running all over God's creation for all their activities, etc. I am exhausted just thinking about it.
2 to 3 was hardest for me too, so far.
If you need more inspiration later this month... I would be interested in hearing about what you miss most or your favorite memory from growing up before the college years. Or what your thoughts were about having a sister so much younger than you when you were in college. :) I know we talk about it, but it's fun for me to read too! Perhaps I'll write a similar blog entry...
Thanks for the answer. I have a theory that I might post about that's based on how women answer this question so differently.
I'm gonna go with zero kids to 1 kid because I had a nervous breakdown. So long as I don't do that within the next couple years, I will know that going through 2 to 3 kids hasn't been the hardest transition for me.
I am the same way about not being able to help comparing Harper's development and hardly doing it at all with Michael.
We've recently spent time with a neighborhood boy who was born on Michael's due date - he is incredibly advanced in his language, like scary advanced, and I'm sort of meh about it. Would have freaked me out if it'd been a peer of Harper's.
I am also quite laid back. To the initial horror of some of my mom friends... but then I think that they come to understand that I'm a good mom, despite being UNDERLY cautious. Or, at least they get better at faking their shock. Whichev!
I know for my that going from 0 to 2 (twins!) was waaaaaayyy harder than adding #3. It was so shocking and stressful in so many ways, to have to find our parenting feet while in the midst of TWO squalling newborns. I know my experience of adding 2 right off that bat is not typical, but there you have it.
(Oh, and even though I've always been a laid back person, I have relaxed a TON from when the twins were babies. But, back then, I was crazy- diagnosable for sure- so there's that factor. For me it was more about giving up so much control over my kids, not the worrying.)
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