Why I don't do crafts

Scene: My kitchen, around 10am, yesterday.
Players: Andrew, Lily, and me...Michael was taking a morning nap, after protesting it for 45 minutes

Michael decided to be especially difficult, so I neglected the other 2 children horribly. Also, I was frantically cleaning for some friends coming over that night because her youngest just learned to crawl...and my house is a stewing pit of choking hazards. Once Michael finally decided to sleep, I wanted to be a good mommy for once and break out the painting supplies. I set up the easel, put up paper and squirted paint into paper cups. I had wet paper towels ready for spills. I had different tools to paint with...to promote experimenting with the materials, toothpicks, sponges, brushes, plastic letters, etc. I was up for the Super Mom election! Or at least the Do What is Expected Mom election!

Lily- "Yay! Paint! Me paint!"

She runs over to the cup of red paint and starts vigorously painting a bloody scene.

Andrew stands blankly in front of his plain canvas.

Lily begins screaming, "Wash Ands! Wash Ands!". As I rush to her, there is a dime sized amount of paint on her hands.
Mommy says (foolishly), "It's okay, Lily. Get all messy and we'll wash up at the end."

"NOOOOOOOOOO! Wash Ands! NOW! Wash Ands!" She drops to the ground (with a full paint brush in hand) and starts flailing in a full-on tantrum.

Mommy pries the paint brush from her fingers and drags her to the bathroom.

"Wash Ands, Mommy. Myself. Bubbles. Wash bubbles." Mommy tries to squirt soap into Lily's hands. "No, Mommy. Bubbles myself!" Lily grabs the soap dispenser and futilely tries to squirt the soap out. It doesn't work. "Mommy, BUBBLES! Wash Ands!" Mommy quickly squirts some soap on Lily's hands before the tantrum ensues. Lily refuses to leave the bubbles and water, so Mommy goes to check on Andrew.

Andrew is still staring blankly at his canvas.

Lily coming out of the bathroom and slips on a wet puddle left over from washing hands. Screaming pain cry (over exaggerated). Boo-boo bunny needed.

Andrew is still staring blankly at his canvas. He starts to cry quietly.

Lily wants to paint again. She picks up the red paintbrush again. Mommy suggests another color, which makes Lily start to breathe heavily again...Mommy backs off.

Mommy checks in with Andrew. He begins crying hysterically that he can't think of anything to paint. Mommy pleads that it is just supposed to be fun...he can paint a design or a picture or he can just play with the colors and paint. "No, I need something to paint."

Lily begins screaming, "Wash Ands! Yucky paint! Wash ands!"

Repeat the bathroom scenario of above.

Andrew starts painting a lovely picture of the beach.

Lily comes out of the bathroom to find a fresh piece of paper waiting for her. She goes into her blue period, after a brief tantrum because Andrew is using her red paint. Soon...you guessed it...we are back in the bathroom fighting over who controls the soap.

I decide to pack up the paints during this bathroom interval. I've had enough of the schitzo. Andrew starts to cry again as I pack up the paints, because he has finally found inspiration.

Lily throws a huge tantrum (joining Andrew's cries) as she realizes we aren't going to paint anymore.



So, my dearest children, if you are reading this someday, YOU are the reason we didn't do anything creative.


And I'll leave you with a sweet story. This morning I was dressing Lily and I heard Andrew singing something to Michael. I peeked into the room where Michael was on the floor. Andrew was stroking Michael's chin singing a tuneless kind of made up song, "Oh, thank you God, thank you God for sweet cute little Mikey. Thank you God for Mikey." Michael was just gazing up in adoration as Andrew crooned to him. Oh, help my heart...it just about died from the sweetness.