Are you amused?

So I was telling my mom about my morning, and she was laughing her A** off. I guess I don't think of my every day dramas as funny...hence I don't write about them too much. But since the pictures I put in her head today made her laugh, I thought I'd share my morning with you.

Let's begin, shall we? Lily didn't want to go to sleep last night. I finally convinced her around midnight. I got up at 6:15 to take a quick shower before Jeff left for work (I like to shower when he's still home, just in case one of the kids wakes up). I come out of the shower...and Andrew is up. Ugh. Jeff gets him while I dry off, and finds him soaked to the bone in pee. Lovely. No more sleeping for Andrew.

Anyone out there with a toddler/preschooler knows that nothing spells disaster like a 3 year old without enough sleep. So he comes downstairs and happily eats 2 pancakes. Gets a star on his chart for putting his dishes away. Starts rearranging stars so that he can cheat and get his prize early. Gets scolded by mommy. We read several books together. Andrew remembers suddenly that he has a boo boo 2 of his fingers (papercuts), which he discovered last night, were treated last night, but the bandaids fell off during the night. Needs new bandaids. Walks around holding his pointer finger out in the air because it just hurts so bad. "Can I watch TV to make my cut heal faster?" When I say no, go play, he sits in his playroom playing. I peek in, and he's playing with his plastic bugs...holding his pointer finger straight out. I am ROLLING my eyes. He then comes into the family room and dramatically lays on the couch. "Mommy, I think I need to lie down so my finger will heal". "Cover me up". He lays down for exactly 1 minute (it took him 1 minute to see that I wasn't impressed). He then says, "Will you take the cover off, I can't do it with my finger".

It is now 7:30 am. Lily wakes up. Laughs and giggles and slobbers all over me. So darned cute. Andrew is still whimpering and sniveling about his stupid finger (we've gone through 3 new bandages already). He comes to me to tell me the latest band aid has fallen off and I tell him maybe the band aid just can't stay on. He finds the old band aid under a chair and puts it back on himself.

I have to get out of the house. It is 9am. People wonder how I get out so early with the kids. Well, when you start at 6:30, 9 am feels like afternoon. So we went to the grocery store. I needed 5 things. Seriously.

It is frickin' cold here (finally), and Lily's little winter onesie is in the washer, so she had to stay in the torture device while we shopped. Most people think of the torture device as a simple, handy-dandy infant car seat. Lily is not impressed with this invention. Unless she is asleep, she HATES it. I usually use the Baby Bjorn for shopping. But again...freaking cold. No winter onesie. Lily is out of luck. I put her in the cart and she proceeds to warn me of impending hysteria with little shrieks and whines.

Andrew did really well. He got his fruit roll-up (aka. bribe) and waltzed around the store with me holding it and drumming it, etc etc. It works like a charm. It's the best $.49 I spend every time I go to the grocery. I only had to take it away one time he misbehaved (on that trip he lay down on the floor of the jam aisle). Now he believes me that he has to be a good boy to get it at the end of the trip. We end up with 10 things in our cart (of course). There is only one check-out line open and the line of patrons is about 6 deep. Lovely. Nothing like having to wait in a long line with an antsy 3 year old and a now crying infant. By the way, if someone has an obviously upset infant in a store, do not engage the parent in conversation. They know their baby is cute/small/has lots of hair/big/has chubby cheeks. No need to make them act polite when all they really want to do is shove a sock into said baby's mouth and get the heck out of the store.

Anyhoo, I decide to be brave and do the self check-out. Again, I only have 10 items. Unfortunately, this is the WRONG choice when you have two children with you. Especially when your 3 year old has never done it before. I had to take the fruit roll-up out of Andrew's hands and scan it and then put it in the bag. Yikes. Andrew usually gets to continue holding it, so he has an absolute screaming FIT that he has to leave it in the bag until everything is scanned. Why didn't I wait and scan it very last, you ask? Great question...let's see how quick you think on your feet in the same situation. As I try to scan my items quickly, I can't find white grapes on the menu. Nice lady working there shows me the code on the bag. Then the machine starts telling me that something doesn't weigh correctly. Nice lady tells me it can't work when my 3 year old is hanging on the bags looking for his fruit roll up.

Let's recap. Baby screaming. Andrew sobbing, grabbing for his snack in the bags. Giselle punching at the checkout machine desperately begging it to work. Nice picture, eh?

Nice lady working there takes pity on me and helps me scan the rest of my items. Machine freezes and transaction cannot go through. Lily is gasping she is screaming so loud. Andrew is asking over and over, "can I have my roll-up? Can I have my roll-up? Where is my roll-up".

We finally get out of the store. It is 9:45am. Dear God, it's only 9:45 am.

So do you think that's funny?